I've had a pretty chill pandemic. Like, unemployed but okay at first and then working, but sort of part time (I run my own business), which was chill in its own way. Think lots of afternoons off. It was horrible in a lot of ways, but once I was making enough that I didn't feel unemployed or worried about that, it was... I don't know, kind of chill really. Lots of free time. I took up projects, talked to friends on the phone more, went for long walks and runs.
This week, work has finally really REALLY REALLY picked back up. The high levels of stress kind of picked back up. And, frankly, it has been eye opening.
I've been cruising along on my weight loss journey. Pretty quick to begin with, but then I slowed it down in favor of more long distance running (and fueling those runs), some more eating out than when I was strict (which was no eating out), and some more treats. Nothing crazy, just sustainable lifestyle changes that led to me losing ~4-5 pounds a month through exercise and diet. Which is awesome. I've definitely had times where I wished it were faster, but it's also okay that it's not for me. I'm feeling happy.
At least, until this week when the stress was... a bit overwhelming. I stopped being able to fall asleep as easily despite being tired, started eating whatever for dinner because I didn't have time to shop and cook as much (think eggs on toast kind of thing, nothing too nuts). I was.... barely holding on to my calories, to be honest. Not binging or anything, but not holding on to my goals, that was for sure.
Then yesterday was just a crescendo of stress and suddenly I was eating all day. I wouldn't have called it bingeing either, but I probably ate 2,000 calories yesterday (I don't normally "count" calories per-say, just plan out my meals and snacks, so I wasn't exactly "not logging" but rather going off plan. I don't keep track on days I go off plan drastically, just try to enjoy in moderation and it's worked really well for me; I'm not here to be told I'm doing that part wrong, please xx).
All that snacking just felt like... I don't know, like a lightbulb going off. Oh, right, I thought to myself, STRESS is my thing. I don't binge really or eat junk food or any of the other many possible insidious eating habits that can make one gain weight... I SNACK. A snack MASTER, when I'm stressed. And that, THAT SNACKING, is what is making me fat (or was, or whatever).
When I first started losing weight, I couldn't believe how much I had gained. I did some math and it was something like an extra 62 calories per day over the course of the weight gain and I was... shocked by it. It sort of drove home the idea that I wasn't doing anything big, just slowly and surely chipping away at adding a pound or two a year.
Now that I'm over 40 pounds down (woo!!!) and making plans and changes that will allow me to lose another 10 pounds to my sort of goal weight, 20 pounds to my ultimate goal weight (125 pounds!), and then keep all of it off forever while also living a fulfilling life... it was a good reminder of my particular food demon and how stress and work and life and... everything, I guess, have triggered me to gain all 62 of the pounds that I'm in the process of losing.
Anyways, here's to more meal prep, more stress management, and a better balance in overall. Plus, here's to noticing what's causing the problem and, most of all, here's to getting back on the wagon today after "failing" off of it yesterday. Good luck, losers! I hope you slay your own demons.
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