Female, 27, 5'7.5", SW/CW: 187 lbs, GW: 140
Long story short: I've used MyFitnessPal on and off over the past several years. The issue is that when I see the numbers in front of me (weight, BMI, calories eaten), it makes me feel absolutely awful and I can't think about anything else. I start feeling guilty about eating anything--even if it's only 20 calories. I start to feel like 1200 calories a day is too much and I eat even less. Sure, I lose weight, but my body image becomes awful, I hate myself and I don't even want to look in the mirror or step on a scale. Inevitably, I tell myself it's not worth it and I give up and stop tracking and gain the weight back.
My body type has fluctuated between normal and midsize, but the way I view myself has always been that I'm fat and disgusting. I look at girls who are similar in size or bigger than me and I feel like they look good, but I can't see myself the same way. It hurts to see pictures of me when I've been a smaller size, because I know that I thought I was fat and embarrassed of myself back then too. I worry that even when I reach a healthy weight, I'll still see myself this way.
I think what would help me is learning how to love my body as it is, and then I wouldn't feel so much shame about the numbers. I try to follow body-positive influencers and people who look like me, which helps somewhat, but do you all have recommendations for how to love yourself through a weight loss journey? Podcasts, books, communities?
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