Hello world! 40/f/5'3"/176lbs/starting over
Not seeking advice or anti-surgery comments. thank you.
Seven years ago I was in this subreddit trying to keep motivated with weight loss and did very well. I made a few accountability buddies and succeeded through CICO and increasing movement. My spouse and I got an affordable trainer, joined a gym, and got to a comfortable place with strength and stamina for a few years. As someone with body dysmorphia, I was so close to feeling like myself as I went on this journey. Starting weight was recorded at 233lbs and the lowest weight was 147lbs. The last 10lbs were due to an intense race training schedule. I went from XXL to M clothing and it opened up fashion options. I became so much more confident because I knew what my body was capable of.
Spouse and I started getting invited to cool private events, officially shifted to polyamorous relationship dynamic, and had an active social life for about four years. I ran a couple of half marathons, joined a recreational soccer league, and life felt great. At that point I was considering saving up for cosmetic surgery because of the loose skin. A few of my friends have done the same and their quality of life and confidence went way up. I wanted that too - to have my outsides match my insides.
Then spouse was on disability due to extreme workplace stress and that's when we derailed. Depression meant no motivation. We broke routine entirely. No money meant no trainer so we thought "we'll just rely on the gym." Then we stopped going to the gym and preferred social engagements instead. We experienced ostracization, the pandemic brought on extreme mood disorder cycles, and one of my partners died of cancer. A real fucked up combination. My agoraphobic ass, understandably, ate all the feels. Laying around despondent was my main hobby. In total I gained half the loss back and hovered around 180-185lbs for a year. My spouse mirrored that result. Its been three years of nothing.
My spouse had a gallbladder attack in January due to poor eating choices so he HAD to reign it in. We agreed to do this together. He immediately started seeing results and I didn't. It was discouraging. Clearly just eating less junk food wasn't cutting it. My anchor partner (not spouse) offered to cover the cosmetic surgery when we first started dating. Generous offer but felt weird to accept such a costly gift. I refused for years... until now. Turning 40, experiencing the loss of loved ones during a pandemic, and getting mental health support really opened my eyes. The reality is that my metabolism is slowing down and genetics are not on my side. The kids grew up and moved out. I do not have social obligations in the way. So... if not now, when? Why the fuck not?
A month ago I had a consult with one of the highest rated (all-female) surgical teams in my area. During that visit I felt no shame! Even when I had to stand there in my underwear being photographed and examined, no shame. Not only was I eligible for a 360 lipo and tuck, but they were willing to let me gauge my readiness. I told the doctor that I want to build muscle and get to a goal weight before we scheduled anything. I did the math and if I can manage 1lb a week, then the start of next year is doable. She said it was a good idea and we set a progress appointment in November and are shooting for February/March 2023.
The last four weeks I've buckled down with CICO and increased movement. Results are happening. Its a slow process, but I've done this before. I know how to accomplish fitness and weight control goals. The first time I was incredibly cruel to myself and exhibited internalized fatphobia. This time around I'm practicing radical loving kindness and accept where I'm at.
TL;DR I'm back. I'm doing this. I need cheerleaders. The goal is tangible and there is a reward.
Thank you for reading the wall of text. Hopefully I can find some kindred spirits again.
*party hat emoji*
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/UPxvmA1
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