I feel a little lost. This year was one of the hardest in terms of weight loss and then weight gain. I’m 27 years old, 5”7 (170 cm) and currently 234 lbs (106 kg)
Over the past years I gained a lot of weight after being diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder and starting on regular medication. It’s been almost ten years since I’ve been at an “ideal weight” but even then I remember writing down that I was fat, useless, ugly when I was a kid. I really struggle with looking at myself kindly since childhood and find it hard to accept myself not just physically but on the whole too. I’ve never really been able to talk about it to people without condemning myself every time.
This year I started losing weight more consistently and went down to around 99 kg which is the best “result” since 2017. I realized I like freestyle/workout style dancing, and tried Muay Thai classes for the first time ever. I know now that I really enjoy boxing and physical strength classes. I started eating smaller portions and having less sweet food or junk food.
But then the summer happened and I went through a situation where in the end I felt like a ruined and even more sad version of myself, and I started struggling more often with suicidal thoughts.
I think in my head/factually I know that it goes down to calorie deficit and burning calories, and really changing my whole life and not just “lose x amount of weight in x amount of time”. But in reality I’m struggling with binge eating every day and hating the idea of exercise. I want to undo / rewind the situation I’m in but now that I’m here I’m searching for a way out and hence a little lost.
I want to do indoor exercise but my home is rather small in terms of workout space and my brother changed to working overnight shifts so he sleeps during the day and I can’t make too much noise. I also am low on funds so it’s harder to pay for a gym membership or go for Muay Thai classes daily. I’m thinking my only good and non-breaking my feet/joints option is walking at the moment. There’s a free jogging track indoors near where I live too.
I want to fight all the negative thoughts and just start afresh but it’s just I keep getting in my own way.
Do you have any advice for my situation? What has helped you in your journey?
I have MyFitnessPal and random workout apps. Should I try to stick to using one of them? Or maybe make a one time purchase of indoor workout bike??
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