Hi, I just discovered this page and am brand new to Reddit so I apologize in advance, this is going to be a long one and is basically my life story.
I have been overweight since I was about 8 years old. I was over 200 lbs when I was 10 yrs old. I was about 250 lbs all throughout high school even though I was active, in marching band and softball. I went to culinary school and yo-yo'd a bit, got down to 230 lbs but graduated at 260-ish lbs after a serious bout of depression. Moved back home after college, got a job I hated that made my depression even worse and got up to 280 lbs... that was in 2012.
In 2014 I decided to go back to school while working two jobs... I was STRESSED. And then my 2-year curse started. In October of 2014, I had to have emergency surgery and required me to take time to recover. Then in May 2016 I almost died from multiple pulmonary embolisms from a genetic condition we didn't know I had and I was in the ICU for 5 days and it took me months to recover fully and I now have permanent damage to my heart. This is where I really gained weight again. At this point I went up to about 340 lbs. I was determined to take care of my health though and got myself a membership to Plante Fitness and a Fitbit in November of 2017. I was really starting to make some progress and was feeling SO GOOD. I was going to the gym 4-5 times a week and eating healthier. By February I was down to 310 lbs, meaning I had lost 30 lbs. But it was 2018, and the curse struck again and my Dad unexpectedly died. I was really close to my dad and I was not ready to lose him. That sent me into a spiral for the next 6 months (and my final semester of school, a true miracle that I even graduated). Honestly, that time in my life is a blur. I was a shell of myself. All the progress I had made slowly disappeared as I ate my feelings and I got back to 345 lbs.
In January 2019 I moved into my own apartment and started to lose weight again as I tried to eat healthier and get back to the gym. I got back down into the 330s and in January 2020 my husband and I moved in together... just in time for the pandemic to hit. Honestly, it was very fortunate timing because I lost my job that March. I got super depressed again and jumped up to 360 lbs while I was out of work. Thankfully I started going to therapy at the end of 2020 and am now on some anti-depressants that have changed my life for the better. My husband and I got engaged in December of 2020 in Zion National Park, which was MAGICAL. I wanted to try to lose weight for the wedding but somehow with all the stress of wedding planning and changing jobs, I popped up to 390 lbs between 2021 and our wedding in September 2022. In 2023 I have steadily gained and am now sitting at my heaviest weight of 425 lbs.
My husband and I are now talking about the possibility of starting a family, which will already be iffy with a missing ovary, being on blood thinners, being 34 yrs old, and on top of it being severely overweight. All that to say, for once and for all, I just want to be a healthy weight. I'm tired of being fat, of not feeling good in my own body, of being embarrassed to not be able to participate or sit in a booth or a theater seat or be afraid the furniture will break under my weight. I'm tired of struggling when simply going for a walk or playing with my nieces. This isn't what I want for me and I feel like I'm dragging my husband down with me. He deserves so much more. He is the most loving, kind-hearted, giving man who does nothing but love and support me and always makes me feel beautiful and loved. I want to be able to care and do things for him like he does for me.
All that to say, can anyone here relate? How did you find weight loss success after struggling your whole life? I don't even know what it's like to be skinny as I've never been. I struggle with some of the motivators and advice other people give, especially from those who don't know the struggles of living in a 300 lb + body; let' be honest, there is a difference between losing weight at 180 lbs vs 380 lbs. I don't even know where to begin being this large and it's only gotten harder as I get heavier. I need to make a huge change to my lifestyle mindset if I want to have a family of my own and honestly, just for my own survival. If you made it this far, thanks <3
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