So my weight loss journey is coming up on a year now. In about 9 months, i lost roughly 40 pounds, got down to a healthy weight (I'm 5'7 male, just turned 21 for reference) but I wanted to lose more. I wanted the type of body where I wouldn't be embarrassed to take my shirt off in front of someone, and I still wasn't there.
And I'm still not there. As time went on, I got stricter with the diet (in addition to exercise), to the point where it became unsustainable. At one point this summer I was trying to cut myself off at like 900 calories a day. I know that's unhealthy, but I wanted to get the weight off and fast. I was grouchy and hungry and just super low energy, but i thought, fuck it, it's worth it.
But the funniest part is that it didn't even work. I was eating eggs and spinach and tuna (and not much else) every day for months and lost maybe 2 pounds. Some background knowledge, i've been extremely depressed, well, forever, but particularly in the last six months or so. And right around the time my plateau was at it's worst, the binges started.
And now I'm so far down the rabbit hole idk how I'm gonna get out. I've gained a few pounds back, feel disgusting and tell myself I look disgusting. Do mostly strength training mixed with cardio, but it doesn't matter when I try to eat healthy all day, and then 10pm hits and i run to the dining hall to go eat myself sick on pizza and waffles. My stomach hurts as I write this lol.
Every morning I tell myself today's gonna be different, and that I'm more than just my cravings and insecurities, and yet in the last two weeks, I haven't been able to go more than two days without a binge. I try to be healthy (work out every day, eat ~1500 calories a day) but I just can't for some reason. It's driving me crazy and just makes me feel like I'm awful.
So basically I'm asking for help lol. Any piece of advice will be appreciated? I know what I'm doing isn't healthy for me, but it's like my brain just shuts off when I get around food. Thank you in advance, seriously.
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