I weighed myself today. It's been the first time in a year, and only because I finally FELT the weight. I saw the red stretch marks. I knew it was going to be horrible, but I had no idea. 24F - 295lbs - 5'7
Struggling alcoholic. Prescribed Xanax. Clinical mental health issues, and stress eating.. After I had my child, postpartum took me down a nasty road. One I'm still recovering from, even 3 years later. Being physically attractive to me is more important than actually being healthy.
My partner is a very good looking man. He says he doesn't care, and he loves me regardless, but I can't even have sex anymore. I'm ashamed to get on top, or even take my clothes off. I see how people act when he intodruces me. I used to be so beautiful. I didn't even know.. and now I just hate myself. I drink every night to try and gain confidence just to sexually preform. One thing I always considered a talent, one of my only "talents" at that. I have to take extra Xanax just to shower and get dressed. I don't know how I got here? It's like I'm awake now. After moving back from California to Indiana, I've been miserable. Absent minded. Careless.
I've even considered illegal sources for weight loss, just for the instant gratification.
I've never felt so low and disgusting. I don't know how to love myself right now and I'm not finding the patience.
Which ruins my diet and leads to the stress eating.
If anyone has struggled in any similar way, please. Please guide me or give me any advice on how to overcome this self hatred. How to stick to a diet and do it so I'm not fucking miserable? How to even make love again? My partner loves me, but I'm afraid he's going to leave me. I just.. I'm just at a loss and I don't even know if this is the right sub.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/3ePylfZ
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