Hi, i don't know how conventional this post is, but at this moment i really don't care.
I am 19 years old, german, 1,82m (6ft) and i don't know how much i weigh. could be anything from 140kg to 200 kg really. I wear, depending on the brand, EU size xxl to xxxl and sometimes even 4xl.
I decided to lose weight after a trip to a theme park where the seats were unbearably small or i couldn't even fit in them.
I calculated my daily need of calories to be at around 2500kcal. so i decided to limit myself to 1500kcals per day. If only it were that easy... I mean, i know that i am not the only person on this planet who struggles with limiting their intake, but it has come to a point where it isn't even funny anymore.
I regularly (3 or 4 times a day) have such severe cravings that i would go as far as saying that my food addiction is more crippling than my nicotine addiction. If i have one of these cravings, my body tells me " eat a lot of food now or you will die!" It is such a strong feeling that feels so bad. I already tried the usual tricks like drinking a glass of water, or eating an apple, none of wich are remotely helping.
I tried to lose weight for about three months now without any signs of weight loss at all. infact, it is getting worse. I am spiraling into deep depression which again fuels my hunger and the need to not leave my room. I often conteplate killing myself.
I also for a long time thought to myself "i am just gonna grab a knife and cut all of my fat off" this has even gone to a point where i researched how to sterilize knives at home and DRAWING on my body, where the important veins and arteries are so i wouldn't cut them.
Everytime i look in the mirror i unironically cringe and gag at how absolutely disgusting i look.
Talking to my doctor did not help either.
I just needed to tell this to someone.
[link] [comments]
from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2N1tqN3
No comments:
Post a Comment