I was laying in bed after doing some cardio and Pilates, and I was so emotionally down. I was thinking to myself, “How did I let myself become this out of shape? How am I gonna lose weight if the bare minimum of exercise is hurting me so much? I’m so out of breath so quickly, how am I going to ever gain endurance if I don’t push myself?”
All these negative thoughts keep popping up the further I get into this. My friends are all beautiful and they barely exercise, my girlfriend has been losing weight flawlessly for the last year or so, everyone is out and about exercising constantly. I feel like the black sheep of the world, just so large and cursed.
I’m currently 5’3, 196.6 pounds, African-American, 21 years old and female. I’m genetically predisposed to more weight-related diseases, and my father passed away due to high blood pressure when I was young. All these things deeply terrify me, and I’m just ready to change before it’s too late. But it all just hurts so much knowing how my muscles shake when I work out, how my heart beats so hard when I run, how I need to take several breaks in between my workouts.
I know it will take time, patience, and moreso, just overall dedication. I have all those things but it just hurts so much right now. Emotionally, it hurts a lot.
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