(Apologies for formatting, I'm on mobile).
I (21F, 4'11") have been a lurker on this sub for a while. I always felt so inspired watching other people lose weight and get to their goal. I always thought, "I wish that was me. I wish I could do that."... See, I have always been chubby and overweight. Growing up, I lived in an abusive home, and food was my escape. Though, I also struggled with trying to starve myself throughout late middle and early highschool, trying to gain some form of control in my life. My relationship with food has been rocky, to say the least. Struggling with undiagnosed depression didn't help either- I had no desire to take care of myself, let alone have the passion nor patience to make myself anything good when I was hungry, so snacks and other horrible foods were my go-to...
When I graduated highschool in 2017, I was around 135lbs. I didn't like my body, but it was the body I grew up with, and that was that. There was nothing I could do about it. So, I continued to not watch what I ate, and got to my heaviest weight a few months ago at around 155lbs. The way my body holds fat is in my breasts and stomach and I hate it. At 125/135lbs, it wasn't too bad, but that extra weight really had an impact on how my body looks. I hate my body and that is all I would say to myself, every morning when I saw myself in the mirror. I knew that was a toxic ritual, but I couldn't help it, because it's true... One day while perusing this subreddit, I saw a post and someone who had reached their goal weight, or close to it, said something along the lines of, "everything changes, your body will not be the size it is forever". And that really got to me. I started to look at myself and realize that I have never thought that I could change. That I could lose weight. Who's to say I have to stay this way forever just because it is the way I have always been?..
I started to really think about weight loss and how I could achieve it. So I started trying to fix my mentality, starting with, "it won't happen over night, but if you start right now, you will get there sooner than if you put it off". So I set a date for December 1st- I want to be around 120-125lbs. For me, I never was able to stick with trying to lose weight because it would take too long to get to where I wanted to. But I realized that, time will pass whether I like it or not, and I could either still be at my weight, or I could be at my goal weight... I also started to change how I look at myself. I realized that you can't lose your weight because you hate yourself. You need to lose it because you want to better yourself. So, instead of telling myself, "I hate my body" when I looked in the mirror, I started telling myself, "I don't like the way I look right now, but it will change" and over a short while, I started to become excited to lose weight!.
When it comes to exercising- I am busy and work in a kitchen (currently full-time) so I don't have much time to myself. I don't like getting sweaty, so heavy exercise is something I will need to work my way into, but for now, I move a lot at work, so I count that as my exercise. But what I started doing the most was cutting out fast food (and food with heavy preservatives/junk food) and counting my calories. I started to become dedicated to keeping track of the foods I ate and how much I moved throughout the day about 6 weeks ago, and by today, I have lost about 8lbs.
Those 8lbs served as proof to myself that, yes, I can lose weight. The other people who have lost weight aren't fictional, and your goal isn't impossible.. I have found it crazy how just starting to change my inner-dialogue with myself made a huge difference, evern if I didn't believe what I was saying at times. But with the proof of me losing weight, I am actually starting to believe in myself, and respect myself more for finally having the strength to say that it's time for change. I am excited to see where I will be by the time December comes around! I want to say thank you to the people on this sub, who have shared their stories which helped me see that I can lose weight, too. I hope that my story, though still early, can help others struggling with similar obstacles.
Thank you for reading :)
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