Not tracking macros + micros and eating wayyy under your TDEE is not healthy and you will gain it back.

I’m 5’5 Female, started at 170lbs lost 50 pounds in a year then promptly gained back 30 of those pounds. I now weigh 154lbs. Technically overweight.

My whole life I’ve had an unhealthy relationship with food. When I started dieting, I switched out binges for purges as a new coping mechanism. Not only was I consistently eating under 1,200 a day but I would also fast for 36 hours either weekly or biweekly. Weighing myself daily and seeing myself shedding weight so quickly was a huge endorphin rush. I felt so amazing about myself. I thought I had figured everything out, I knew the secret to being skinny.

This works for short term weight loss but it doesn’t in the long run. I never confronted my underlying issues and I quickly went back to being comforted by binging. The last few months had been particularly bad, I had been eating non stop and to the point where I felt uncomfortably stuffed. Well. I finally decided to break the cycle.

For the past month I’ve been carefully tracking my moods and using journaling as a coping mechanism. I made my own journal pages that include daily mood, activities, highlights/lowlights, water, food, sleep, vitamins and daily reflection. I’ve been eating clean and healthy while counting my micros and macros and supplementing what I have a hard time getting (vitamin d, omega, magnesium, occasionally iron). Of course I still count calories as I do want to lose weight to feel better but it is different this time around. I’ve allowed myself maintenance days and decreased my restriction. I go to the gym regularly to help my mental health. I feel so much better mentally than I did when I was eating less than 1200 daily.

I finally (after a few weeks of calorie restriction) felt comfortable enough to step on the scale. I’m heavier than I’ve been in a long time but I don’t feel bad about it. This is just one step in a healthier journey. I’m only human and have had a set back. I was 19 when I first started dieting and didn’t understand that in order to be physically healthy you need to be mentally well.

December 1st truly marked the day that I stopped punishing myself and started pushing myself instead. I’m going to continue to love myself and strive towards a healthier me.

submitted by /u/Be-better_today
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