Apologies if post is not appropriate, I just don't know where else to ask.
My husband is 35 and has been obese most of his life. He is also short, which I understand can make things more challenging, though he's quite muscular and strong (he can do push ups and pull ups, even at his current weight).
He has told me many times he wants to lose weight, but it's something very emotional for him. He was quite overweight as a child, and was bullied for it even by his relatives. His parents were quite neglectful in this regard too, and as a result, he never really learned how to eat well, in fact, he's very prone to snacking on whatever's at hand because he basically grew up alone, so they never really sat down for meals, etc. He suffered from an ED/overexercising during some of his teens. So his relationship with food is not the best.
He buys treats and junk food often, and like I said, most of the day he snacks on these, or whatever else is in the fridge. The other day we had a heart to heart, because he was telling me about how he knows he needs to lose weight. So I basically told him, that from an outsider's perspective, and taking into account his history with food/childhood trauma, that he just never had the chance to properly learn how to feed himself, and that I can support him in that regard.
I want to start meal planning and prepping because I also need to lose a few lbs. We've fallen into the bad habit of not really cooking much and ordering take away often (which is also hard on the $$$). But I find it really difficult to say no to these things, so I feel I'm encouraging him. Also when we go to buy groceries, sometimes he'll pick up some candy or whatever else, and it breaks my heart to say no.
He doesn't like going to the doctor, because they always tell him he needs to lose weight, but nothing else, so he feels shamed and not helped. He has a lot of shame regarding his weight, he discusses it with me at times (like what I've mentioned in this post), but e.g. he'll never actually tell me how much he weighs. So going to the gym is also a no-go, we'll have to work out at home (which I don't like that much, 'cause it's so easy to put it off, also requires quite a bit of space and equipment for weight training).
Luckily, in my country there's a service for buying medical orders for lab tests and such, and they now offer a service for quick interpretation of lab results by a team of doctors online. So I'm thinking of having him get necessary tests (e.g. thyroid, insulin resistance/diabetes tests, and others). So if he doesn't want to go to the doc yet, start from there. Get the tests, then see if the doctors find anything that requires attention. I fear he might have diabetes, at the very least he probably has insulin resistance. But this is a very sensitive topic for him.
I'm not sure how else to support him. If you were (or have been) in his shoes, what kind of support would be most beneficial for you? If you were (or have been) in my shoes, what do you recommend?
I'm a huge pessimist, so I'm thinking maybe my support won't be enough. I mean, I wanna do my best, because I also want/need to get healthier, but I'm mostly worried about him, because he has more weight to lose, and I really don't want to lose him to something like heart problems or diabetes in the future.
Thanks in advance!
TL;DR: my husband has been obese for most of his life, and wants to lose weight, he is quite sensitive about his weight though, and it's a very emotional thing for him, he doesn't like going to the doctor, so I don't know how to best support him. I also want to get healthier, so I have no problem taking the reins, but I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed, because I don't know if I'll be able to help him.
ETA: he also doesn't like the idea of going to therapy, at least not at this point in his life.
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