Longtime lurker, first time poster. Buckle up, I have feelings, which are hard for me to get out without word vomit.
This year, I lost about 15lbs. It's the most weight I've lost in my life, ever. I've gone down a few times in the past by a few pounds, but always gained it back quickly. Last year, I actually went down by 10lbs and gained it all right back. So, this year, I somehow was able to do more and I did it over the span of just a couple of months. June 7th to August 20th. Went from 174lbs to 158lbs. Still seeing 158, so I've maintained over the past month.
That's pretty dope, in theory, but there's this little voice in the back of my head that's telling me, you didn't actually lose weight. How were you ever even that heavy? None of this is true. You're still at the starting point.
It sounds insane. But, as irrational as it is, it's crippling. I did awesome for a few months, but now I've plateaued. I haven't gained any weight back, though. I'm determined not to gain anything back, at the very least.
But, I'm tired. I'm exhausted. This weight isn't me. This weight came from a dark period in my life and it reminds me of that period every day. I want to get rid of it. I want to be me again.
I just can't see any difference. Not in pictures, nothing. I know that 15lbs isn't a whole lot, but I'm just looking for anything to encourage me at this point because I'm desperate not to slip back into my old ways and gain it back. It just reinforces the insane thoughts I've been having which are YOU'VE NEVER LOST ANY WEIGHT STOP LYING TO YOURSELF.
I had a soft goal of getting under 160lbs. My real goal is 153lbs, which would be an "overweight" BMI. I'm a bit disheartened that I had such quick progress, to then be within 5lbs of my goal and just be...here. For a month. Without the scale moving. That's completely because of me falling off the wagon, but it's kind of cool, I guess, because it's been a "controlled fall". Still counting calories. Still making sure I eat at maintenance so I don't gain. I have a history of binge eating, so baby win?
Anyways, just feeling a little crazy and wondering if anyone else has had this - I don't know - "imposter" feelings about their weight loss? Like none of it is actually real? But, not in that dreamscape-y good way. :/
Stats, for reference: 25f 5'0" / SW: 175lbs / CW: 158lbs / GW: 153lbs / UGW: 117lbs-ish
What I did: counting calories, walking to work every day instead of taking public transit, and replacing one meal each day with a meal replacement drink instead of skipping breakfast like I used to. (Plus of making calorie counting easier, because that's one less meal I have to worry about counting because it's always the same.) Had all of the pieces before, getting it all to work was completely mental and just finally being in a good headspace to actually stick with it.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2NtYBU1
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