Hi, I don't know whether anyone will read this but I suppose I just wanted to get some feelings out. Sorry if formatting is off or something, I'm on mobile.
In school, I was never fat, I was chubby, and have always been curvy, but became obsessed with weight loss due to my peers being slimmer than me and others calling me fat in an attempt at bullying. I joined this school in year 6, and got called fat on my first day- I'd never really heard that term used against anyone before.
Before college, I worked hard with exercise and diet and was becoming happy with my body, however during college I let it slip. I was at a UK size 8-10 and while I didn't gain a large amount, I still thought I was huge.
In university things got much worse. I went through a depressive period and would starve myself, not usually intentionally just a lack of will and energy, only to binge on takeaway and rubbish. I gained weight during this period and while I don't know how much, I was up to a UK12-14.
I know this isn't the worst spot to be in, but I was really struggling with myself and how I looked. When I discussed this with others, the term "body dysmorphia" came up a lot. While I'm not sure about labelling myself under that bracket, I had never liked what I saw in the mirror - to put it loosely.
I graduated last year and moved in with my boyfriend. Being happy meant that I started eating more frequently. My body was not used to this and I feel like this was yet another reason to gain weight. I was steadily gaining weight, though I found an active job working with children.
This year, I'm still struggling with my weight but I'm eating regularly and (mostly) sensibly. I'm trying not to be scared of food, or obsess over it. I loosely count calories and it seems to be working for me. I am almost back to fitting comfortably in my size 10s but the most important part to me is that I am happy with myself. I'm aiming to keep going and get healthy, but doing it in a non-obsessive way. I've cut out sweeteners and doing this has stopped stomach aches. Also, an added benefit is I haven't been ill as often, I guess my immune system is getting better too! I'm trying to exercise as much as possible and I definitely feel a change in myself.
If anyone reads this, I'm really interested to know whether my previous habits confounded my weight-loss in the way that I had to get heavier before I lost weight. I'm also interested to know what your favourite snacks are. Personally, I keep loads of cucumbers in the fridge and just eat a whole one plain with my lunch. No idea if it is bad to eat a whole one. My second one is Ryvita crackerbreads with some cream cheese.
Tl;dr: I've had unhealthy habits all my life and I'm finally becoming happy with who I am.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2PlVPOu
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