I've shared my story a few times, but I'll quick do it again--was overweight throughout my childhood and into my early twenties when I actually nearly became morbidly obese (5'6" and 240 lbs). I lost 106 pounds over the course of a year and a half and became a gorgeous 134. I loved myself, I loved how I looked, and I loved dress my new body. And then, I broke up with my pseudo-boyfriend and I turned back to food for comfort. I regained forty-five pounds over the next two years and now, I'm at 180 and I'm trying again to whittle down my weight.
I've spent the past two years being disgusted with myself. I hated looking in the mirror. I hated the way my clothes looked. I punished myself by wearing my fat clothes. I felt like an eyesore, and I didn't put any effort into trying to look good. I stopped wearing almost all make up. What's the point, I thought as I looked in the mirror at my body. Nothing will make that look good.
I don't know what changed in me over the past two weeks, but all of a sudden, I was sick of it. I was sick of feeling disgusting and dumpy all day long. I was tired of feeling like I looked awful. I noticed the days when I wore clothes that I liked and I had put some effort into grooming myself, I felt better and happier and more in control. I've been working hard on my weight loss for the past three weeks (twenty-four days of NAILING IT!) and I decided to reward myself with some new clothes. Part of me snarled viciously "NO you don't deserve those, wait until you lose weight and THEN you can buy some, stop enabling your gross fat body!" But I ignored that voice. I had worked hard, I had earned this.
I went to a clothing store. I have spent the past few days studying fashion trends, looking at people whose fashion I admired to figure out the kind of things I like. I grabbed some things to try on and then, I stood in the dressing room, staring at myself and trying to decide if I looked fat. Then, I realized something. I am what I am. I am the size that I am right now, and there's nothing I can do about that right at this moment. This is the body I'm living in, and it is what it is. I decided that I was going to buy things that I liked, things that I felt confident in, and that was that. For the first time in my LIFE, I went shopping BY MYSELF and bought the things I liked, not what other people liked and not what I thought would make me look thinnest.
Today, I went to church. I wore an incredibly cute jacket, a white t-shirt, a pair of straight-legged jeans and black ankle boots. I wore a long necklace. My hair looked awesome. I looked freakin' amazing. I felt amazing. I didn't obsess over how tucking my shirt in my jeans made my stomach look big when I sat. I felt powerful, I felt attractive. I had more people greet me this morning than ever before, and why? Because I was attractive this morning because I TRIED. And all of a sudden, I am now excited about working harder on losing weight because I care about myself, I like myself, I take care of myself. I am what I am, and I like who I am and how I look--which is why now I'm driven to look even better.
Don't wait until you are the perfect size to care about yourself. Do it now. You are who you are right now, and the sooner you love who you are, the sooner you will want to become even better.
[link] [comments]
from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2VsOYoF
No comments:
Post a Comment