What if your plateau is really the weight you're meant to be?

I've been lurking for a year now and I'm the same weight today as I was then; f, 29, 5'4, 122lbs.

I've been dieting the whole time: keto, IF, Omad... All with the goal of hitting 115 lbs. Now here's the thing, I dont recall what that number looked like. I've had an eating disorder since I was 14. I was annorexic for a couple years and hovered under 100lbs which I knew was too thin. I remember 105 and I liked it. I remember 117 and I felt fat. Somewhere along the way I arbitrarily decided that for my small boned frame, 115 is probably best.

The past 2 years have been really good. I have finally felt like I am in control of the disorder instead of the other way around. I binge less and when I do, it's always pre-planned and I make sure I enjoy it in public not in secret. A binge today looks like OMAD: A whole days worth of food in one sitting (1200 - 2000cals depending) and at least half of that is healthy.

Overall, ive been eating the best I have in years and have hovered between 119-123. Over the last year in particular I committed to a min 4 reformer Pilates classes a week and one 50min power walk each morning. This is the first time in my life I've ever had an exercise routine. I know I've built muscle and I look better, more toned etc but that hasn't stopped me from trying to lose more weight.

There have been weeks where I tried extended fasts and then careful refeeding. I have gotten down to 119 but always end up at 122 no matter how much I restrict myself or try to shake things up (KETO, IF, etc)

I even experimented with a macro plan and a weight loss coach twice and same thing - down to 118, ended at 122

Then today, it hit me. 122 isn't a plateau, I don't need to keep losing.

The reality is, my body is happiest at this number. I know that because it keeps fighting to get back here. I know that because at 122 my breasts don't sag from excess skin like they do 118, and my jeans fill out the way they should.

I know that because at 122 I feel the strongest I've ever been and when I look in the mirror even on my most bloated days, I never see myself as fat the way I did at 117.

For anyone else who thinks they've plateaued... Listen to your body and consider whether this is actually the place you're meant to be.

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