6 months, down a whopping 8 pounds

23F | 5'0" | SW: 119 (lbs) | CW: 111 | GW: 110-108

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Not six weeks. Not eight weeks, or ten weeks. Six months.

Given my history with disordered eating, I'm determined to reach my goals in the healthiest way possible, paying close attention to my mental health. I'm focusing on making lifestyle changes and being okay with slow progress. It's been a good year so far. But Jesus Christ, no one told me progress would be this slow.

I've been fluctuating between 111-113 in the past couple of months and have been plateau-ing around 111 for the past three weeks. That's about when I've stopped seeing physical results (drop in measurements, pants size, etc.), curbing any hope that I might just be gaining muscle.

I thought I was being admirably realistic about my goals. My initial GW, 110, is at around the heavy end of the healthy range for my height. I started out counting calories, but now I'm focusing on eyeing my portions. I don't deprive myself but I've cut down a lot on sugar, snacking, alcohol, etc. I've always loved healthy foods and increased my consumption of them. I eat mindfully, I work out regularly (yes, strength training in addition to cardio), and I don't beat myself up if I slip up now and then.

Don't get me wrong, I am happy about what I've accomplished. I did lose weight. I picked up a "gym habit" for the first time. I'm better at keeping portions down. I'm overall so much healthier than I was. Lifestyle change? Accomplished. Lifestyle change as a means to accomplishing my weight goals? Remains to be seen.

I try to stay positive, but navigating a weight loss journey, particularly all the frustrating contradictions that come with it, is so mentally exhausting.

1. When someone's struggling like this, they're advised to count calories and log every bite of food. But on the other hand, we're told that only a holistic lifestyle change yields lasting success. Are we expected to be counting calories for the rest of our lives? (Also: we're advised to focus on whole foods, but it's packaged foods that make calorie tracking so much easier.)
2. We're advised to be patient when progress doesn't happen after a week. But our success is built on dozens of small decisions we have to make each day, every day.
3. One day of perfect eating won't yield results, but one day of bad eating, especially as a petite person, can throw off your whole week. (Also, as a petite person, a few pounds of weight gain is entirely noticeable, but not a few pounds of weight loss.)

So, yes, mentally exhausting. I guess I just wanted to vent, but it would be nice to know if there's anyone out there in the same boat.

They say weight loss is all about a change of mindset. What do you do if your mind is completely on board for the journey, and has proven it for 6 months, but your body just refuses to come along?

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