Tuesday, August 27, 2019

A mental NSV, about the trials and errors of weight loss

So around this time last year, I got my first scale(so adult, I know) and I weighed in at 335 lbs. It wasn’t as high as I thought, so I wasn’t to devastated. I started going to the gym, meal prepping and calorie tracking and after about 6 months of ups and downs both mental and weight related, I hit a new low of 310 and kind of just yo-yoed between 320 and 315 from around March to July. (I was up for a promotion at work, and let my new position take center stage, and stopped thinking about what I was eating) So the batterys in my scale died, and instead of replacing them, I just stopped weighing myself, cause I had this all “figured out”

Well I recently noticed my size 24 stretchy pants seem to be shrinking in the wash lately. Normally they shrink a little but stretch back out, but they just seem to be getting smaller. So finally got new batterys for the scale, jumped on, then went to my nearest cliff and jumped off, cause my dumbass had ballooned back up to 340lbs. I was mortified. All I could think of is how I had let myself do this. How had I not noticed? I realized my knees hurt again. And my back, oh god I could barely walk after work, it hurt so bad.

I was miserable for a few days, then I started back into calorie tracking. I had to find where I fucked up. (Big surprise, I was my excessive carb intake) pizza, bread, soda, juice, if it was sweet and/or bread like, I was eating it.

I found a post about life hacks for budgeting money, and someone talked about dieting while saving money and eating rice and chicken. I bought instant rice( cause I just can’t cook like like my mom could, she was a master) and some chicken thighs, and I’ve been pretty much having rice and chicken to start the day, something small like chips and or little bag of cookies and one fo those sparkling water drinks for a midday snack, and then something even smaller for bedtime snack. Like a little bit more rice and chicken or fruit, or sometimes even just some water and nothing else.

I’ve started going for walks on my days off work, about 2 miles worth of walking,( which is like 2/3 of the walking I do when I’m at work)

The weight is very slowly coming off, and I’m down to 332 as of yesterday.

I said all this to say, that there is no “too late to turn back” point. There is not giving up, unless you decide your giving up. I’ve thought about letting myself go, till I’m immobile and basically dead, but I know the pain of being that overweight, greatly outweighs the pain of thinking so hard about what I’m eating. I don’t need to stop for a “quick bite” after work. I don’t need a “treat from the gas station” just cause work was extra hard today, I’m not a dog, I don’t get treats.

If your reading this, and you’ve fallen off the bad wagon, and gained back some weight, it’s okay. Get up and start moving. You’ll get back the progress you lost. It’s not gone forever, if you can sit and read this, you can’t get up and keep pushing forward. It’s not over till it’s god damn over, and the best part is that YOU get to decide when it’s over.

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