Good morning everyone,
today I wanted to share with you all a small story about me and what's going on in my life and in my journey that will hopefully help some that are in a similar situation out or at least let you know that im there with you in solidarity.
Like most of you I sank a lot of effort into my career, my interpersonal relationships, my finances, everything except my body. My body is perhaps the one thing that I have neglected my entire life, the taste of food and that feeling of initially being full (before teh regret and shame sets in) really made me feel great. My relationship with food isn't a healthy one, my parents gave me all teh sweets and whatever when I wanted them because they figured it was a form of affection, it instilled a lifelong problem that would manifest itself into my obesity.
Anyhow, my weight loss started in march of this year with me weighing in at a whopping 425lbs+. I hated my body, I looked like a tub of lard. My fat would bulge out in all the wrong places making me feel disgusting. Nothing I wore fit right and everything made me look like a whale. I was miserable, and in a depressed state. Like most people in my shoes, I made light of the circumstance by being a comedian, always being the life of the party, trying to mask my self hate with laughter for those around me. In November of 2018 I ended a long term relationship with my ex. it was teh first move of many that would send me in teh right direction, I tried to make things work with her for so long knowing damn well that it was a disaster and that we wouldn't make it, but that insecurity and that fear of being lonely really made it hard for me to let go. call it complacency or what have you but I did what I had to do and it was liberating. Slowly but surely life got slightly better I think I started to lose a few pounds here and there bringing me down from what was 477lbs to 450 or so. this was by virtue of just being more content with myself no real life changing habits.
What really impacted me however was in January of this year, I met a girl. She is perhaps teh most magnificent woman ive ever had teh pleasure of meeting. we went out a few times with some friends and I ended up asking her out. thus began a complicated relationship. I won't get into teh specifics but things are stagnant and there's no real path forward for us. its incredibly painful to have to think about this ending but im not sure what else I can do. This is teh person that forced me mentally to make these changes, to get my physical stuff together and make a change for teh better. I owe her a debt of gratitude that I don't think ill ever be able to repay. I have a genuine set of feelings for her, dare is ay I may even have love for her (im not the type to fall in love easily) yet here I am looking over a metaphorical cliff. Today i'm typing this at 271lbs with a heavy heart, a head full of distress, and as a mixed bag of utter turmoil but I haven't lost focus toward my goal, I dont have that urge to binge or to lose control. Im still on my path and dare I say I may even have a renewed sense of will toward this objective.
Life comes at us fast, if you would have told me a mere 9 months ago that I woudl be an entire human being or 2 lighter by September I would have told you off. I figured it impossible, how many times have I previously started only to fail? how many times have I given myself cheat day only for them to lead to regression? I genuinely give thanks to ALL OF YOU, because your stories, your efforts, your accomplishments, your failures, everything have inspired me and have helped me though the rough times. Weight loss is simple, but it isn't easy. I still have fear that I will fail, that ill slide back into my old ways but I take solace in the notion that ive made it this far with cheat days sprinkled in and im still a massive loser.
To all of you going though the struggle, whether it be a relationship, work, life, what have you, please stay teh course! you can do it, you are SO MUCH STRONGER THAN YOU KNOW! I will continue to read your posts, and give my kudos when due. I will play my part as best as I can to try and help others. I just wanted to share my story and hopefully let you know that you aren't alone.
My current plan is:
Keto diet + OMAD + HIIT (1 hour 6 days a week)
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2ZlXj3h
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