TL;DR I've been lying to myself about how fat and out of shape I actually am. My new doctor called me out on it and I'm not really sure where to go from here..
So today I got a bit of a reality check from my new GP in the form of the label "morbidly obese"
I've been on a weight loss journey for some time now.. I started losing weight about 4 years ago, started @ 275# and made my way all the way down to 190# in about a year and a half (for reference I'm a small dude, only 5'3"). Once I hit onederland, its like this switch flipped in my brain and all the hard work and habits I had built were gone and I gained back about 40# in 6 months or so. I've now been bouncing between 225 and 235 for a year and have repeatedly tried to get back on the wagon but so far said wagon seems to have eluded me.
I'm not sure why this has hit me so hard.. I mean my one good talent is self-deprecating humor usually in the form of self directed fat jokes but hearing it outloud has shook me..
For years I've been trying to convince myself that I just carry a lot of muscle and that despite being big I'm really not as unhealthy and fat as I apparently am. I do struggle with BMI standards (for my height/weight it says I should be 115# - 135# and even my Dr thinks that would be too low for me - he says aim for 145-155) and have spent a long time trying to get those numbers and standards out of my head for my own mental health, but I guess in the mean time have gone too far the other way and convinced myself that I probably only have 50 maybe 60 lbs to lose instead of the 80-90 that my doctor would like to see me lose..
Anyways.. I'm honestly not sure why I'm posting here.. I feel a little lost at the moment to be honest. Like all of a sudden the goal I thought was barely attainable before is only that much further away and that much more overwhelming.. I know what to do, I've done it before. I'm really quite knowledgeable about nutrition and macros and the like but no amount of knowledge will MAKE me do it and that's where I only end up losing the battle...
I'm just not sure what to do with this new revelation.. I feel like all the work I've done and the little weight I've actually managed to keep off has all been for not.. Like it just doesn't matter that I've lost and kept off some weight because I've got so much further to go and right now I just keep spinning my wheels..
My friends keep asking how they can help, what I need from them to make this happen (I've got some pretty incredible people in my corner) but I have no clue.. I don't know what will help, or what will get me moving forward again.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2ZAvB22
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