I am 87.5 kg right now! I am happy that I am making progress!
I am going through a rough time now, my mother has terminal cancer (my main concern, of course) and my job has become pretty challenging - I have to switch jobs, and I am only working 50% now due to being overworked/mental challenges.
During the past 2 months I have gradually been doing better, taking it day by day. My girlfriend broke up with me then, it was not the right time to start a relationship, and I realized that I have to work on myself, and do it from a place of self-love and acceptance. She loves me a lot, and I still love her, and that sense of love has sunk into my own heart and I can direct it towards myself better than before. That was the spark that set me on a good path for myself, even though it may not sound like I am on a good path.
I am building the life that I want to live. I will switch from my IT job, and gradually move to becoming an ecologist. I care about the earth, and I just love to learn about nature.
And I want to become super fit again. My goal is to weigh less than 80 kgs before mid November, it will mean that I am lighter than I have ever been in the past 13 years. I may continue down to 75, but it depends on my fat% (I have a good amount of muscle).
The reason that I expect to be successful, is that I focus on taking care about myself above everything, both physically and mentally. I think that my weight gain was mostly an issue due to my mental challenges (low self-love, being too hard on myself, anxiety, etc), and just due to not knowing how to take care of myself.
2 months ago I have also decided to let go of all the bagage from my past, and to start living in the now. I do take full responsibility for all my mistakes and also for all my flaws in the now, but I won't allow myself to attack myself as viciously anymore, or to get stuck in guilt and shame, but I will point my attention to the fact that I am really doing my best, that I am very open and honest about what is happening in my life to the people I love (which takes a lot of courage), that there is already so much good in me, to trust that I can grow and deal with whatever comes my way, and that I deserve to take good care of myself even though I have my flaws.
I look forward to hitting 86.x kg this week, and 83.x by the end of this month. I will see my ex by the end of this week again, and though I am doing this for myself, I am sure that she will be shocked (I hope positively) by how much thinner I am, though I just hope that I will feel more relaxed and that we will have a good time.
Even if we "just" stay friends, I am happy that she is in my life, she has chosen (on her initiative) to support me through this difficult period with my mum.
I also want to continue to do better for my mum, and to follow my heart in my work and life. I hope that she doesn't worry about me. Right now, she is still fit, the cancer does not create symtoms yet, but she may not be there by the end of this year. I hope she will be around as long as possible, and I am doing everything I can to look after her and our family.
So, weight loss is not my highest priority goal at the moment, but I do not find it that hard right now. The stress is really not good for my appetite, and I walk and exercise more to relax and take care of my mind.
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