Wall of emotionally mobile formatted text warning...
Quick back story. 32M 5'9" SW(heaviest): 403 CW: 384. I've been going at this for nearly a decade as the weight slowly started to pile on over the years after sustaining an injury to where I couldn't play college football anymore. It wasn't debilitating truly, minor surgery, but it was a wake up call that I needed an education not more concussions.
So no one taught me truly how/what to eat afterwards though. I no longer needed a high caloric diet that I would burn off or turn to muscle. This carried through the years as my energy decreased, fatigue set in and complacency took over. I was no longer the athlete. I was the couch potato. I found solace in food. The comfort of feeling full. I over eat and I had (have) a hard time controlling it. I physically can't seem to stop myself. I know I only need a 6oz portion of that prime rib but it comes in 12oz slabs so I eat it. After all, my parents taught me to always clean my plate.
Through the years I would try various diets, food addicts anonymous, Atkins, general CICO etc... All to no success. Don't get me wrong FAA got me down to 323, but life would happen and I gained it back plus some and could never get back on that wagon. I would read stories on this sub that would truly inspire me. I would read articles about people having their weight loss epiphany and they were able to instantly turn their life around. When I found out I was going to be a father in 2014 I thought, "This is it, my epiphany is here. I'll lose the weight for this beautiful baby girl I have now. SHE, is my life changing moment."
Well 5 years and one additional kid on top of that and I'm still waiting. Now I can't stop feeling like I'm failing my family. My kids, my wife, they have given so much. My wife is the most supportive person there is and my feeling of constant failure to her support tears me apart.
Now I'm throwing one wrench into this. About a month ago I went in to have a meniscus repaired in my left knee. Come to find out the meniscus was fine but the cartilage surrounding my femur had deteriorated to a grade three osteoarthritis. Never knew I had osteoarthritis till then. And grade three damage is one step away from a total knee replacement... At 32 years old. And the corticosteroid injection failed.
ANYWAYS, a couple of days ago I made the choice to start the process of bariatric surgery. I spoke with my doctor and am going to do 6 months of medically supervised weight-loss which is a requirement for the insurance. She also started me on Adipex. Well I just found out today that my BMI is so high that I can actually have the 6 month requirement and some other things waived. I'm not sure how I feel about this. The thought of getting the surgery done quick so I can start losing weight faster and sooner is obviously appealing. But I know the more weight I can lose over this six months could be beneficial prior to surgery as well. This leads to the title.
Regardless of when I choose to do the surgery, I'm worried that my relationship with food will have set me up for failure. How can I change my relationship with food to be one of respect, understanding, appreciation and above all else, control when my will power is seemingly non-existent? I know I need to make a lifestyle change. My wife is worried that it's going to be more of the same from me though. Empty promises and broken dreams. Can you blame her? She's been by my side for 12 years now. I want to prove her wrong though. I want to show her and everyone that I can do this. So please, any advice or comments or discussions are welcomed and appreciated.....and to my wife who I know is a lurker on this sub. I love you.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2B5d4NB
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