I've been obese for 15 years now (more than half my life) and have next to no memories involving anything physical from before that. I've been focusing on weight loss for a month now, with the goal being to at least go all out for a year and then use what I've learned to stick with a healthier lifestyle, but my motivating factors are purely extrinsic (namely, meeting some of my friends abroad and not wanting to be fat when that happens). So far I've largely been completely okay with this, but I've been having doubts today as yesterday's workout was unexpectedly greatly depressing and I ended up passing out within an hour of getting back home. I feel like much of that is because I have no intrinsic motivation to do what I'm doing and I'm therefore deriving no satisfaction from small regular victories and whatnot but feel miserable whenever I'm doing something wrong (yesterday some guy kindly pointed out that my back was all kinds of messed up when doing bent-over DB rows, but as polite as I was externally I internally interpreted it as a strong personal attack and it affected me greatly until I passed out).
Unfortunately I've got a few nasty factors working against me in that sense: as I was born with heart problems and was told early in my life that my life expectancy would be lower than most, living longer from being in better shape doesn't mean much to me when it just means I'll die from a heart attack anyway. Depression certainly isn't helping in that regard, and neither is ADHD, and those eliminate a good few motivating factors as well.
That said, I'm sure there are plenty others who have had similar problems or even worse yet found some sort of intrinsic motivating factor. How did you manage to find something, and what did it end up being?
(I'm not even remotely thinking of quitting, I've made certain of that by buying a 12 month subscription to my gym, so don't worry about that. I'd still love to at least know how to look for a way to motivate myself to keep at it and derive enjoyment from it that comes purely from within.)
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