22F, 5'9" Starting Weight: 270 Current Weight: 239 Goal Weight: 150 Calorie Limit: 1,470
-WARNING- LONG POST
For context, I've been pretty chubby since around the age of 10 and steadily gained 10-20 pounds each year until I was well into the obese range. I tried dieting off and on with no success and began college in the mid 230's - low 240's. Throughout college I got more serious about weight loss but nothing I tried seemed to work - I'm sure it didn't help that I was often limited to greasy dining hall food, but I also increasingly went for unhealthy options like Burger King and Starbucks frappuccinos. I've also been depressed for a long part of my life, and hit some severe low points during my freshman and sophomore years that only exacerbated my dependence on food for comfort. I think the turning point for me was when I hit 270lbs in the winter of my junior year - I was mortified of being so close to 300lbs and was afraid that if I reached that point there'd be no going back. This was also a heavily conflicted time for me in regards to my future - at the time I was planning to go to medical school but was increasingly unhappy with that decision and also afraid of what I would do if I changed paths. I focused on dropping the weight but also on finally seriously addressing my mental health. I focused on giving myself the freedom to explore my options and recognizing my own positive qualities instead of allowing my negative thoughts to continue propagating. In the process, I also started exercising somewhat seriously for the first time and tried to be more moderate in my dietary choices. I managed to get back down to around 250, where I started the year at, and finally beat the depression that I'd been dealing with for 9 years. That summer I continued to try to watch my weight and made it all the way down to 240lbs, but gained once I went back to college and hovered around 255 lbs for most of my senior year. No matter how hard I tried, 240 was the lowest I could seem to go before bouncing back up again.
For the first time in the past 5 years, I've managed to hit under 240lbs. And unlike the other times I've gotten close, I feel like this time it's for real. The last time I went from 255 to 240 it took me a whole summer - this time, it only took me a little over a month with changes to my diet and CICO (along with walking everywhere in my new city since I don't own a car). I still feel motivated to stay on track, and I'm in a position where I feel like I can continue to make healthy choices. I've been anxious about reaching 239, because to me it's the ultimate test of whether this is the real deal, and it makes me happy to know that my changes have been working. On top of this, I have shirts that I bought close to 270lbs that I was disappointed about because they didn't fit - now, they fit (almost) perfectly. Tanktops that I bought at around 250lbs are looser on me now and I notice my gut poking out less. The most exciting part to me is that I can now wear my old belt without discomfort - a black, steel-studded leather belt that my dad gave to me before I started college. He used to wear it back in his highschool skateboarding days, and I'm proud to incorporate it into my much nerdier but semi punk style. I had to stop wearing it around the middle of my freshman year because I'd gained too much weight, but now that it finally fits again, I want to wear it every day as a reminder of how far I've come and why I want to keep moving forward.
I got accepted into a graduate program 3 hours away from my home, which meant moving out and living on my own for the first time. As part of that I decided to do a pretty dramatic overhaul in what I eat and my attitude towards food. At home, during the week I'd usually eat fast food or comfort-style dinners with the leftovers for lunch. The portions were usually too big and even with a really active summer job I managed to maintain at around 250-255 for most of the summer. My weekends were Chipotle and 1L cokes, usually with a box of whoppers of bag of m&ms on top. Snacking was also a major problem for me, and a lot of the time I'd get food because I was craving it instead of actually being hungry. All of this was exacerbated by a soda addiction that had me drinking 1 can a day at a minimum, and sometimes up to 3 on a weekend and 4 on holidays (followed by my 1L cokes on the weekends).
Now, I don't keep any soda in my house and limit myself to 1, sometimes 2 normal-sized bottles on the weekend (probably still too much, but a big improvement for me considering I assumed I'd be addicted to soda for the rest of my life). I also don't keep any snack foods around, as that was one of my biggest problems in college and as a kid. The only snacks I keep are in the form of pre-portioned desserts, such as jell-o cups, which I limit to one per day after dinner. I also keep plain, lightly salted rice cakes to help deal with hunger when water doesn't work - fortunately, I don't need them often. I don't eat breakfast but my lunches are a serving of oatmeal (sometimes with fruit or pumpkin mixed in) along with half an avocado and a protein (usually chicken or turkey). This usually holds me over until dinner, when I split my plate into quarters - half veggies (broccoli and snow peas are my favorite, and this week I'm adding asparagus), a quarter starch (usually rice or sweet potato) and a quarter protein (often chicken, but I also rotate between a few others like beef and pork). It helps that I inherited my parents' old dish set - it has big, medium, and small plates but the big ones haven't been used once since I moved. When I drink coffee I add milk but no sugar, and if I get a drink while I'm out around campus I make sure to count the calories and adjust accordingly. I've gone from having 3 "cheat" days a week to only one cheat meal on Fridays. I'm lax about what I eat on Saturday and Sunday nutrition-wise but am vigilant about keeping it in my calorie range. This way, I can have a few weekend treats (that actually feel like treats since I'm not eating junk all the time) without losing my progress.
Overall, I'm really happy to be making what I feel like is genuine progress, and it makes me happy to wear items that I thought I might never be able to. I have more clothes stored away that I hope I'll fit into with more time, and a pair of extra cute pants coming in a little over a week that are size 18 (currently wear a size 20 but they're getting loose!). I actually feel confident for the first time that this is something I can really achieve, and I'm not just stuck the way I am. Sorry for the extra-long post, but I don't talk about my weight and my goals often and I wanted to share since wearing my dad's old belt again was one of my main ambitions when I started trying to lose weight.
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