So, over the months of July and August, I started dieting and was determined to lose as much weight as I could by the end of the summer. Little did I know that within two months, I'd be capable of losing around 25lbs+. About a month in, I was no longer going as hard, nor going to the gym as religiously, or restricting my calories as much but it all just came off nevertheless. In all honesty, it shocked me just as much as everyone else; how much the weight was kind of just "melting off". Towards the end of summer, I started to eat "normal food" that wasn't healthy again but my stomach was now less greedy and knew when enough was enough. I no longer needed to feel extremely satisfied and full like before to call it a meal. I was content with small servings and this too was a huge change that I was super proud of because I was never this type of girl. For a month, I stalled going to the gym and simply controlled my portions but ate whatever I felt like eating. I also smoked which helped to speed up my metabolism and kill my taste buds a little so food was just food, healthy or not, it didn't matter as much to me anymore because it was no longer /THE LOVE OF MY LIFE/.
It is now October and yesterday, after looking in the mirror, I realized how much I had underestimated the consequences of me not going to the gym would have on my physique. I had thought that everything was under control and that I'd be totally fine staying the way I was but the truth is, recently, I'd been eating more and more. I stopped smoking as well, rediscovered the delicious taste that chocolate has when it melts in your mouth. Candy, fried chicken, anything, and everything afwhrqouofwebo. I just started to panic because I was no longer going to the gym but had jumped back to my old eating lifestyle.
Anyways, today is now day2 of my streak and I plan to do this for the next 3 months. No matter what it takes, I'm planning to lose the most weight I've ever lost and I know that this sounds a little unhealthy considering I already lost 25lbs+ but if there's anything I'm more scared of than anything, it's to go back to what I used to weigh. I'm a short girl anyway and I've always preferred being on the thin side despite having a naturally "slim thicc" body. Once again, I know this will sound crazy but I literally hate having big thighs and i truly only do feel pretty when I'm hungry which is something I can't help. So wish me luck and let's see how this whole thing turns out, I promise I won't resort to doing anything unhealthy (although I did have bulimia for a little while a while back). I'm more determined than ever and I only really made this post to vent about my complicated feelings regarding weight loss and also to keep myself accountable.
I wish I could be less hard on myself but I know that in the end, I'm the one that's gonna suffer the most when I look in the mirror and realize I'm back to square one again after all the hard work I've put into attaining my dream body. Please don't be too harsh when commenting... I also do admit this ties into a lot of my own personal insecurities and I ask myself why I care so much when really I should be satisfied with all the progress I've made so far... ): (currently: f/17/140lbs)
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2mDQhom
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