Just for context, I'm 19F 5'3 SW: 134lbs CW: 115lbs GW: 110lbs
I started my journey on February. Being asian and chinese, it's kind of frowned upon if you're not stick thin (idk if you've seen the tiktoks). Imo, asian girls are stereotyped to be petite and small framed, and I'm not going to lie and say I didn't want to be like the majority. Even if I was already at a healthy weight, all of my family and friends perceived me to be bigger than the rest. I guess you could say it kind of influenced me into losing this much weight now. I was always the butt of the fat jokes in my household, especially being between 2 brothers who have a crazy fast metabolism and always look thin.
So, yeah, for the past 19 years, I heard all kinds of "sumo wrestler" jokes from my dad, "no man would want to marry a fat person" comments from my mom. It caused my self-esteem to jump off a cliff and just die. Because of those, I became sensitive to my physical appearance, I became awkward and didn't know how to present myself, I wore clothes that didn't flatter my body, and even if I did wear clothes that showed my figure, I'd chicken out and wear drab clothing, this caused people to treat me as "one of the guys" (it didn't help that I didn't act all girly bc I didn't even feel like a girl at all anymore)
Anyway, enough boring stuff, fast forward to today. I started my weight loss journey (with my family knowing ofc), I skip dinner and cut out snacks, count calories and (secretly) exercise in my room, which brought me down by 19lbs. I admit, I started to feel great, I started to appreciate my body and was proud of my weight loss. Since I didn't have any weight loss buddies (online or irl), I felt like I needed to just share my milestone with someone and they would be happy for me too.
Unfortunately, the only available people atm is my family. I love them, I don't hold a grudge against them, but I'm not so open to them about my insecurities and other internal problems (no room for soft feelings in my household lol it's all about earning money). So I gathered up a lot of courage and excitedly told them over dinner one day that I'm (previously) 123lbs. They were surprised to say the least, they didn't think I'd actually lose weight. Then when I told them I had a goal of 110lbs, they laughed in my face, saying it's impossible. I admit, old me would've backed down and believed them, but new me found her strength in the mockery of my family and insisted that I will reach that weight just to prove them wrong (this was 2 months ago).
The fat jokes slowly subsided which made me feel all the better, but then a new era of jokes arose in our household - fucking weight loss jokes. I don't know how my dad does it, but even in times of success and triumph, he has this ability to just bring you down (I'm not even going to go into my internal hatred for my dad) and make you feel like complete shit.
At times, when my family feels like drinking soda, I'd opt for water. Or when my family eats snacks, I'd politely decline. Like I said, weight was a sensitive topic for me, so, as much as possible, I try to avoid talking about my own weight. It took me a lot of courage to even open up about my milestone.
Whenever I would decline a snack, sometimes, my dad would make side comments saying "did you know, I'm 53kgs (116lbs) right now, just really near your weight" (he's 70-75kgs) or "yeah, I don't feel like eating either, I'm on a DIET, I don't want to get FAT" or "eating this would make you fat, right (talking to me)?" Or even "what's your weight again? 52kg right? Wow, I'm 60kg and I don't need to lose weight like you" (60kg was my SW) or even once when I felt proud for not eating chips for a month and soda for 3 months, my dad made this mocking face and said "woahhh look who's being arrogant now" which made me feel ashamed for even saying that.
And it makes me SO. FUCKING. SICK. I just want to bang my fist against any hard surface till my hand hurts and tell him to fucking shut up. I know what y'all are thinking "why don't you just tell him that it's affecting you" yeah no, lol, it's not that easy to have a "heart-to-heart" in our household. It'll turn into a one-sided lecture coming from them about "not taking everything seriously" or "it's just a joke, don't be so sensitive". It just amazes me how, such a proud moment of my life, could be ruined by a single comment from my dad. The rest of my family stopped already and just ask about my progress. But my dad, oh boy, is such a special case. A proud moment could easily feel like an embarrassment because of him.
Idk, maybe I'm just being petty or too sensitive about all of this, but idk how many times I wanted to scream at him to just shut the fuck up. It makes me clam up about my progress entirely, I regret ever even sharing to them about my first milestone, it now turned into some running joke that makes me feel worse for even sharing.
Sorry this was long, I just needed to let out the anger. If you read until here, thanks for reading, I really appreciate it. I just needed to vent, even if it's a little.
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