F/19/5’2”/SW: 227/CW:126/GW: 105-110
This is more of a rant than anything else but words of wisdom are appreciated. I think I kinda need them right now.
So as you can see from my stats, I’ve lost 100 pounds since starting CICO in September 2019. It’s been a long journey and surprisingly I’ve remained on a pretty steady downwards trend. Until now. I hit my first plateau at 160 and since, every 10 pounds is a bitch to get out of. 140 was the absolute worst. Right now I’m sitting at 126-126.2 for the past week and even though I’ve been through this sort of thing before, I’ve never felt so defeated.
I know it’s ridiculous to be so upset after just a week of no loss. I think I was just spoiled with seeing some kind of loss every week and I’ve now gone to nothing at all. I’m just at the point that I just want to be done with this part of my journey— the weight loss, I mean. But I know I’m not going to be satisfied until I see that arbitrary number on the scale despite that it doesn’t matter to anyone but me. I’m already a healthy weight, but because I’m short I’m only 8 pounds away from being overweight again and it’s just too close for comfort.
But I’m so tired. I don’t want to switch to maintenance yet but I don’t know how long I can keep restricting like this. I do OMAD if that’s important. I am not a binge eater, but last night I just randomly decided to eat way above my maintence calories (my TDEE is only ~1560), I’m pretty sure I ate close to 1800-1900 and I just feel so god damn awful. I shouldn’t have done it and I don’t know what got into me.
I want to keep going. I set a goal out for myself and I want to reach it so badly. Being in quarantine for the past 3 months has caused all my thoughts to revolve around food and weight and scales and numbers and I’m so tired of it. But I can’t stop. I feel guilty when I eat maintence calories but I’m sick of being so conscious of my eating all. the. freaking. time. I don’t like how my body looks, but I planned on recomping once I had hit my UGW but impatience is at large right now. I just wish I could wake up and magically be down these last 20 stupid vanity pounds.
I don’t know how to stop feeling this way. I don’t want to give up because I’m afraid I’ll do a complete 180 and gain all the way back to 227 if not more. Or I’ll still be here 6 months from now and cursing myself for giving up so soon. I don’t want to go back to that place, my life was miserable. But how do I push myself to keep going?
Right now I’m satiated from my OMAD tonight and am feeling OK. But what about tomorrow? And the next day? I don’t want to fall into those temptations— to just say fuck if you’re never going to be thin anyways! All because I hadn’t lost any weight in a week? It all sounds so absurd as I’m typing it out but this is legit how I feel right now. I’m sorry this post is dumb AF. I just needed to vent.
Thanks for reading if you did.
[link] [comments]
from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/3cVuP2x
No comments:
Post a Comment