Very long read below. Just wanted to share my story and what I’ve learned for maybe motivation for other’s, an eye opening, or just a general read.
Back in May 2014 I finally decided to truly set out on a weight loss goal after being obese to morbidly obese my whole life. I was just finishing up my 2nd year of college and getting ready to transfer to a new school in the fall. I was 20 years old sitting at 285lb at only 5ft 8in. Looking back on it, I definitely did it in the most unhealthy way possibly, and I probably set out on the goal for the wrong reasons. I wanted to look more attractive, try to impress a certain girl, and I didn’t want to hate myself anymore.
I remember the first day I ever started going to the gym. It was around 11:30am and I wanted to get 15min on the elliptical and as much time as possible swimming. I chose 11:30am because I thought it would be empty, I pulled up to the gym and it was packed. I sat in my car for a good 10min and eventually turned around and went home. Later that night I talked myself into trying again, I went back at 8:30pm hoping it was empty and luckily it was. I don’t remember how long I was there, but I remember I only ate 800 calories that day + elliptical and swimming. The next day I woke up and weighed myself and I was down 6lb (mostly water weight of course).
Over the course of the next two months I stuck at the same eating and exercise routine and dropped 43lb in two months. Just in time for my family vacation. The first night on vacation I developed severe back and stomach pain. I tried to push through but by the 3rd night it was unbearable, it was the worst pain I’ve ever felt. I was on a cruise ship and went to the ship’s doctor at 1am. They gave me painkillers to relieve the pain and help me sleep, and the next thing I remember is I’m being medevacced off the ship by the coast guard. I was rushed in for emergency surgery to have my gallbladder removed, the rapid weight loss cause my gallbladder to stop functioning and the dead organ/tissue became gangrenous. It was beginning to spread to my liver which they had to slice the piece off, and they said if it had spread to my heart or lungs I probably would have been dead.
It was a real eye opener for me when we got back from the cruise, however I was still determined to lose the weight. I upped my calories to 1,100-1,200 but I wasn’t able to exercise due to the surgery. It was still a little extreme, but not as bad. After two months I was back to exercising and started incorporating weights into my routine. After I started lifting I hurt myself twice and knew I wasn’t getting enough food to properly recover. I again upped my calories to the 1,400-1,500 range.
Over the next 8 months the weight continued to come off and I was down 130lb to my goal of 155lb in a year. Over the next year I maintained the weight, I was enjoying myself, living life and having fun with my friends. Once I graduated college I moved to a new city for a job, I had no connections there and was about 6 hours away from friends and family. After 3-4 months I fell into deep depression, luckily I was still exercising but with no motivation to eat much, and not liking to cook I lost probably another 15lb. By July 2019 I fell completely out of touch with friends and was still struggling with mental health issues. This is where I really went downhill. I slowly stopped exercising and pretty much woke up, went to work, and came home. In that time I turned to food heavily.
I knew I was gaining weight but I didn’t care, I didn’t have any friends so no one was going to see me, and I had no one to impress in this city. There were days I would go to Dunkin Donuts, get 12 donuts, a coffee, and a breakfast sandwich then eat all of it. For dinner I would buy Mexican food, nachos and another appetizer, then tacos with rice and beans. I was probably consuming 5,000+ calories some days with zero activity. This went on for the next 8 months, and then when quarantine hit it only got worse. Now 11 months later, the first time I weighed myself and I was at 279lb (maybe 1.5 weeks ago), and 6lb off my original weight and the exact weight I weighed the day after my first time at the gym.
Here I am as I write this, now weighing about 268lb and trying to do this all over again.
Some things I learned along the way
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Being obese my whole life that mentality never left me. I always thought I was fat and even looking in the mirror I still saw a fat kid. I learned that you need to trust both people and the mirror when they show/tell you you’re skinny or look good. Looking at pictures or just remembering how I used to looked I can’t help but think “Damn I actually was skinny and looked good”. I can only hope I get back to that.
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Going out to eat or enjoying a weekend with friends won’t kill you. Again, I’ve only learned this recently after gaining the weight back. After a weekend of drinking, eating out, or 2am drunk pizza I would diet for the next week because I felt I had to. By all means, drop your calories for the next day or two and maybe throw 20 more minutes of exercise on to get rid of any bloating, but enjoying yourself once a week or every two weeks hasn’t ruined you. Eating 5k calories every day does.
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You need to do it for yourself. I originally started to impress others, and even when I started gaining weight I told myself I didn’t care because no one would see me, all external factors. Now I’m embarrassed to even be seen by other’s, but I know I need to get back to where I was because I liked what I saw in old pictures.
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Overall confusion: For some reason some of my pants still fit (although tightly), and I’m currently wearing a size large shirt. When I was last at this weight I was wearing XXLT, I needed the tall cut because regular XXL was too short to fully cover my stomach. I dont know what’s going on here but I’ll take it I guess.
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Lastly, and I think the best benefit of it is the health benefits. I was able to run 5 miles, or go hiking, or walk up flights of stairs with ease. Pretty much any activity I could’ve done. Now I can’t I even walk up one flight of stairs without losing breath or my heart beating fast. Not only is it extremely scary (especially in the middle of a pandemic) but it feels terrible.
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