Friday, June 5, 2020

Needing support, hope this is appropriate. Why is starting so hard?

I'm feeling really low right now. I don't understand why it is so hard for me to start my weight loss journey. I've been trying to start for years it seems. I might lose 5 pounds, but I've been steadily trending up the past 6 years or so. I was 135lbs and very athletic when I left high school, ~145lbs and a powerlifter my sophomore year of college, and now I'm 175 with a nearly obese bodyfat percentage.

The insane part is that I still see myself as athletic and thin. Every time I see a photo of myself it's a shock all over again. Catching a glimpse in the mirror makes me feel disgusted that this is how I look now. It's not how I view myself in my head even though I haven't looked that way in years. I want it back but I don't understand why I can't just start. I don't need instant progress, but it feels like the more I affirm that I'll have a good diet day, or do all my exercises, the more likely I am to binge eat or do a 10 hour Netflix marathon.

I just don't know what to do. I'm sorry for the negativity here, but I feel lost and alone. Has anyone experienced this? How did you overcome it?

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