This is a lifestyle change, not a numbers game.
Four years ago, I started to lose weight by counting and restricting calories. It wasn't very difficult, it just took time and an ounce or two of determination. I lost 100 lbs. I was 125 on a 5'5" frame. I exercised regularly. I looked good and I felt good.
I was obsessed with stepping on the scale. Sometimes, I'd do it several times per day. "I just want to see how much my weight fluctuates, because it's fascinating," I'd tell myself, as I silently became disappointed/disgusted with myself when the number showed anything higher than it was previously. And then I'd go for a run. Of course, the scale showed a lower number post-run.
When I did reach my goal weight, I was elated, but I didn't really know what to do. There was no more weight to lose. Every piece of junk food looked appetizing. Some life changes, like moving to a new city and starting a new job and not being in the best living situation, made me depressed. And so I ate. I ate a lot. Of course I still looked good and exercised regularly at first. No big deal, I could always lose the few pounds I had gained. Except, I didn't. I gained 60 lbs over the course of 1.5 years. I wasn't stepping on the scale everyday anymore, because I was afraid of the reality of how much I had let myself down.
I started re-losing on May 1st. I'm down 11 lbs. I exercise regularly. Most days, I count calories. But some days, I don't. That's not to say I don't primarily eat small, healthy, balanced meals. If I could put a label on the diet I'm really focusing on this time around, it's intuitive eating. I know my brain. I know that if I really put my mind to it, I could re-lose 60 lbs just as I did four years ago. The problem is, is that I know that I will never be able to stick with that lifestyle long-term. I became obsessed with counting calories and I would feel incredibly guilty if I went over them for the day. Four years ago, there were days where I'd eat 4 pints of Halo Top and 2 liters of diet soda, and those were my calories for the day. That's not normal. That's scary.
This time around, I'm dieting, I'm conscious of the nutrition label and how many calories I'm putting in, I'm working on eating less, and I'm learning what a healthy diet--that's sustainable-- really means. I find that I have a clearer mind when I'm eating balanced meals, but I also find that I'm in a much better and healthier state of mind when I allow myself to have a bowl of ice cream with my girlfriend after going on an evening bike ride. Life really is about moderation. Yes, it's important to eat sensibly and maintain a healthy weight. But, it's important to take care of your mental health and the relationships with the people in your life too.
With that said, I'm weighing myself once a week or every two weeks just so I know what my TDEE is. I work a physical job (heavy lifting, standing for 12 hrs), so on those days I typically eat a little more. But the scale is definitely not a priority this time around. Building a healthy lifestyle is. It doesn't matter what the number says. At the end of the day, the only thing that matters is my health, happiness, and state of mind. There's nothing wrong with losing weight, but there is something wrong when it becomes an obsession, to the point where I hate myself or I'm bored with myself when it's not happening. I believe the first step to losing weight, is learning to love and accept yourself.
I wrote this because I want my story to be a cautionary tale. I was very excited to lose weight the first time around, because I had been obese for a long time, and it was nice to finally find something that really worked. But at the end of the day, as much as it made me happy and proud, my heart was really not in it. At least not for the long run. For those who are reading: Be honest with yourself. What you're doing today, regarding your diet and eating habits, can you do this long-term?
Thank you for coming to my Ted talk. Best wishes for all of you in your weight loss journeys :)
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