I'm just really proud of myself today. I've been counting calories for a LONG time now, to the point where I can accurately guess the weight/calories of most foods I would eat or cook with. With this, it has felt like I am just always thinking about food. If I have x number of calories left in the day, I find myself eating right up until I hit my calorie limit, and that could easily trigger a huge binge where if I went slightly over, I throw the day away and go way, way over. Or, in general, once I start eating binge-type foods because I have the calorie room, I just wouldn't stop. If I was eating out at a restaurant or didn't know how many calories were in something, it would also trigger an "aw, screw it, I'm sure I already messed up my calories for the day" mentality and I would keep stuffing my face way past the point of even being hungry. I'm talking like 1500-2000 calories of snacks and dessert in a sitting, and my TDEE is only 1700. This would happen every few days, and I've been stagnant in my weight loss for months because of it.
I decided I wanted to stop calorie counting and just focus on eating healthy meals while just roughly outlining my serving sizes based on what I know about calories (e.g., about how much rice looks right, what 4oz of chicken looks like, etc). It's been going well so far -- I've lost a pound or two and feel like I'm thinking about food less.
THEN, something amazing happened yesterday. I ate healthy meals for breakfast and lunch, probably around 400 calories each if I had to guess. I was planning on a stir fry for dinner, but we ended up ordering in take out from my favorite restaurant in town. Normally, I would keep myself from eating any of the food I couldn't calorie count, or I would way overdo it because I'd tell myself "whatever, this is probably too many calories. I'll start fresh tomorrow." Instead, I gave myself a small plate and served myself a reasonable portion of food. I felt satisfied and was able to keep myself from seconds, and I didn't go crazy and binge eat dessert or cookies or chips afterward, because I didn't feel like I had ruined my day. It's honestly so small but such a huge victory to me to just make a healthy, moderate choice like that. It feels ... sustainable and the way things are supposed to be.
I think calorie counting is an incredible tool and I still use so much of the knowledge its given me today, because it really is a wake up call in portion and serving sizes. Lightly structuring my meals around what I know about CICO is definitely important. But, I think actually calorie counting just isn't for me and triggers my binge behavior. So happy to have learned this about myself and I feel like I can just... BREATHE again.
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