Hi guys, just want to give myself a secret virtual high-5 for this mini goal. Have to do it here because for some reason I have a weird mental block when it comes to my appearance and I’m losing it in secret.
I’ve actually dropped 10.9 but didn’t realise about the .9 until today when I had a weigh-in. I’m now coming in at 233.1
self high-five
I have spent several years trying, stressing about, trying again and ultimately failing CICO. I’m a little OCD so on paper this is the perfect method for me, but as I alluded to earlier I tend to diet in secret. We cook literally all meals from scratch so trying to weigh everything on the sly to enter into MFP was a nightmare. I couldn’t and can’t get past my weight loss being secretive.
This is deeply rooted within me because my mechanism to deal with bullies was to basically gain more weight to send them a message that their actions didn’t effect me. In truth they effected me deeply. It was a tough time and I even received hate mail from anonymous dickheads. They even went to the trouble of getting my address and post code/zip code. My mum would hand me my post and ask if it was from a girl or secrecy admirer. It was hurtful and I could either get fit to “show them” or gain more. The latter was easier. Since then I’ve dieted atrociously for about 20 years.
[FYI I’ve never uttered a single word about this part of my life to anyone. I’m in my mid 30’s now and held onto this for decades]
Now, I feel that I’ve found something sustainable. I’ve not cut anything out, I’m not CICO and I’m not abusing my body. I’ve finally learned what moderation is, what being full is, that I don’t need the junk snack, that I will eat again, that I’m not “showing” anyone who’s boss. I also weigh myself each and every morning at the same time. At first the fluctuations blew my mind and I thought something was wrong. This sub ran the scales rule over me and now I can almost predict the swings after only a month of recording weights.
At the moment those little digital numbers mean everything to me. The guide me and the choices I make each day. I never realised just how important each and every decision I make is. I actually think it’s not too far from somebody who had a substance abuse, which has made me realise that I’ll be having to keep myself in check each and every day of the rest of my life, such was the strain I’ve put my body through since my early teens. It’s taken it’s toll and I have to realise that I’m accountable for that and I need to respect it, if I don’t then who knows how it will take it’s toll. Because we all know that it will, and the results rang from shitty to really shitty.
Please don’t think that me being a precious little prince and stuffing my face because some people said nasty things is me comparing being heavy to substance abuse as a trivial comparison, it’s more the mental side of being on top of this every day. Because food is great and I must have it! But now I get it, but now I’m smart about it.
I’m not sure how to wrap this up, but this is a little bit about how the 10lbs May be small and frankly insignificant compared to the monumental achievements I see on here, but the mental barrier and moment of clarity I’ve broken and stumbled upon feels like a game changer.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/3gWP7eX
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