I have often welcomed those who have lost 100+ lbs (~ 50 kg , ~7 stone) to “the club” and joked that club meetings were on Thursdays. I recently suggested that we try out having a regular weekly thread to talk about issues that are particular to those who have lost 100+ lbs, those who are well on their way and those who are just at the beginning of a journey this big.
Welcome back to the Century Club! Each week I will provide a topic of the day that has been on my mind or inspired by previous posts. However you are free to talk about any topics you think might be relevant to current and prospective club members.
Previous Topics: Loose Skin Redux - Multiple Centuries - April Fools! - What didn't work? - Milestones - Seasonal changes - Is it worth it? - Surprising Food Facts - Mistakes were made - Time to Vent - Relief Valves - Seeing Objectively - Tips you hate - Fear and Self-Loathing - Starting - 2020 recap
Today's topic: Relationships
We've talked about how living with other people can affect your weight loss journey, but we haven't really explored the flip side of that. How losing weight/gaining fitness can affect your relationships.
A recent post by u/Mymindisgone217 asked the question if ending relationships was common with large weight loss/fitness journeys...
For me, the connection is quite evident. I was only spurred on to my own journey after the final collapse of my 30+ year relationship with my now ex-wife and mother of my children. For about the 18 months prior to her asking for a divorce she had been on her own fitness/weight loss journey going regularly to a women's only gym and doing yoga and preparing her own food separate from what she prepared for our teenage boys and I. She made no effort to disguise her disdain and disgust in my body, my being, my mere existence by the time we were negotiating the dissolution of our marriage.
So the collapse of one relationship was a major catalyst for me taking on my own weight loss/fitness journey. The main driver for my journey was realizing that my two sons (now young men about to turn 20, 18) really need me in their lives and I really want to be there as long as I can for them. However, attracting a potential romantic partner was a secondary reason for improving my health and weight. About 6 months into my journey, I met someone. We met when I was about 235 and I'm now usually under 160.
She's seen major changes to my body and what it is capable of doing. She cheered me on the first time I ever voluntarily ran a 5K and was there to greet me at the finish line of my first half-marathon. She has never been dismissive of any of my food or fitness choices and generally lets me do what I think I need to do to be the person I choose to be right now. She would generally prefer that I gain an additional 5-10 lbs, but accepts that my weight isn't really up to her just as much as her weight or any of her dietary choices aren't any of my business.
We enjoy cooking and eating tasty (and usually healthy) food together. I typically plan our meals together while she handles a lot of the prep and sous-chef duties. We swap roles if it's a meal she has already perfected where I will just get in the way. (She's the queen of gluten free pizza). I always try to be conscious of the fact that I have almost 6 inches in height on her and am far more active so I try to make what we eat together fit her needs and augment it with larger meals when we eat separately, or just add other additional items or larger portions for me.
We both have the "weigh yourself every day, but don't obsess over it" routine down pat and have fared much better over the past crazy pandemic year than many other people we know. My average weight this month is still lower than it was in March 2020 and hers is only a few pounds up driven mainly by switching from walking daily to and from work and everywhere else in the neighborhood to working from home or at a site that is too far to walk to. Hopefully that will change again as the state of emergency finally comes to an end. I try to help offset that by offering to take walks together particularly on my rest days when I am not planning to run.
In retrospect, my unhappiness in my marriage was also a factor that contributed to keeping me so fat for so long. I overate largely because I was unhappy and food provided one source of momentary joy. These days I'm happier when alone and happier when with my partner.
So even though the end of my marriage was related to the end of my ex's fitness journey and the beginning of mine, it also led to a much healthier and happier relationship with someone else.
What about you Centurion? How were your most intimate relationships affected before/during/after your journey and vice versa, how did your most intimate relationships affect your weight loss journey?
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