My daughter turned 4 at the end of March, and I have finally lost the baby weight.

(SW 246lb CW 228lb 40F 5ft5) 40F

In January, I was 246 lbs. This week I hit 228 lbs - putting me at the weight I was before I got pregnant with my second child.

I track calories and have worked a lot on identifying and crushing habits and triggers. Just understanding WHAT triggers my bingeing habits has helped a lot.

In my first pregnancy, I ate in moderation, exercised regularly until I was nearly 36 weeks, and lost almost everything I'd gained in the weeks after birth.

But with my second, oh boy.

I am a stress eater, a comfort eater, and being pregnant with a toddler was a whole different ballgame. My second pregnancy changed my relationship with food. In addition to persistent, intense nausea for half my pregnancy, I also ended up with intense //pain// whenever I got hungry - which was frequent. I became scared of the feeling of hunger, and worked to avoid it at all costs.

After my daughter was born, the fear of hunger stayed with me. Add to that two small children, and I found myself grabbing a handful of chocolate chips every time I had to put one back to bed, or stopping for a cookie after a frustrating lunchtime encounter.

I tried to track, again and again, but I never had the spoons for the simple task of actually being mindful of what I was eating. My emotional and mental energy was eaten pretty much entirely by the demands of work and motherhood. And so I told myself that this was who I was, and I got used to the perks of the new normal - eating chocolate and chips when I wanted, and not caring how many pieces of pizza I downed.

My kids are older now - 4 and 6 - and suddenly I'm not performing bedtime 6 times a night and they don't need my attention every hour I'm home. But the habits remained.

So now I'm doing something about it. Some weeks I'm strict and see fantastic losses. Other weeks I'm not strict (March has 3 birthdays in our house - that's a lot of cake!) and see tiny losses, or even gains.

But the trendline is the same, and I'm 18 lbs closer to my goal.

I'm learning what my triggers are and how to fill the needs with something else (hot cinnamon apple tea is getting me through a lot of afternoon sweet treat cravings!). I'm learning to be comfortable with my hunger, acknowledging it and then letting it exist without fearing it (this is WEIRDLY empowering for me). I'm learning to indulge my cravings in controlled portions, and to balance them with healthier choices at other times.

I saw someone here recently comment that weight loss is as much about the mental as the physical, and for me that was definitely true. For a long time, I got in the mindset that I'd already missed my window, I was never going to lose that 'baby weight'. But I have, and I can lose more.

Next up: losing the (smaller) baby weight from my first. Then onward to even more.

It's never too late to start.

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