I'm a 22f, 5ft8, SW:~75kg? CW: 70kg GW: 60kg?
TW: brief ED mention?
hello! this is my first ever post so I hope that this is okay & some of you lovely people can maybe help - I'm sorry it's a bit long!
So, I started running around 8 months ago (I completed C25k in January!) and I've been running 3 times a week since then. I've never been a sporty person (in fact very much the opposite) but I've noticed a big improvement in my mental health - which is why I began running in the first place. I never intended to lose weight but I found myself doing so anyway (without consciously changing my diet or lifestyle in any way, apart from the running). I don't weigh myself regularly (nor do we even have scales in the house) so the only reason I know this is because my clothes started fitting a bit looser, I went down a cup size and friends and family mentioned that I looked slimmer.
Growing up, I never had a particularly positive relationship with my body. This was due to a few different things (I can go into more detail in the comments about the 30h mommy milkers I grew when I was 14 - and many other factors - if required) and it took me up until a few years ago to get to a point where I stopped actively hating my body. I was a uk size 12/14 and liked the way I looked and I feel like I had a really healthy mindset surrounding my weight; it wasn't something I often thought about and I didn't feel like I needed, or wanted, to change anything about my body. I was happy how I was.
However recently, having lost weight, I feel like my attitude has changed. For a while, I was so determined not to acknowledge that I'd lost weight or even entertain the idea of being 'proud of myself' because for me, celebrating that I'd lost weight, also meant being scared to put that weight back on. And that's how I feel at the moment. I've somehow gone from being so indifferent to my unintentional weight loss to becoming aware of my body and the food that I put in it in a way I never was before and I don't know if this is a good thing or not. I honestly LOVE that I've gone down a cup size though and I want to continue losing weight, if only to see if I can go down another few cup sizes. So, last week, I calculated my TDEE online and I'm currently using the MyFitnessPal app to track my caloric intake and I've not had to massively change what, or how much, to stick to my recommended 500 calorie per day deficit to lose weight. I'm not setting unrealistic goals for myself or eating below 1200cal but I'm still worried that this isn't the healthiest mindset to have?
I want to be kind to myself and I don't want to set myself up for potential problems with disordered thinking and eating down the road. I know myself and how obsessive I can get about things like this and I'm not sure I trust myself to maintain a healthy mindset around losing weight. I already feel like I care about this way too much, but I'm not sure I can go back to being as indifferent about my size as I used to be.
Has anyone here felt like this before? or had any of the same concerns during their weight loss journey? Does anyone have any advice?
I think I maybe just need someone to tell me that it's okay for me to want to lose weight. Or if I've developed an unhealthy way of thinking then please tell me that too - and I'll try my best to change it. It's veeerryy likely that I'm massively overthinking this - so if that is the case, then I'm sorry for the time you spent reading this that you'll never get back.
Thanks in advance guys x
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