Wednesday, July 6, 2022

I’ve went almost 21 months not weighing myself and obsessively tracking my deficit / everything I eat - my body dysmorphia is getting really bad

I’m a 26 year old guy.

From 17 to 23 I gained almost 84 pounds. I went from 183 my junior year of high school in 2013 to a high of 267 in July 2019.

I got really, really good at taking selfies of only my face with angles that hid the weight I gained / was carrying (Basically I’d raise my phone up over my head and look up to the camera making my face look thinner).

Because I never had my photo taken I never really realized how big I actually got.

Everything changed in 2020.

On October 22, 2020 I decided to make a big change. I’d LOG everything / every calorie I ate no matter if I screwed up BUT I wouldn’t step on the scale.

I knew that the reason I failed dozens of times before at losing weight was because I’d always get discouraged by the natural fluctuations on the scale and give up.

So, for the last 21 months I’ve obsessively logged every calorie on my Lose It App and then have kept a spreadsheet to track by deficit and use it to predict / estimate my weight.

(Basically I figure out how much I lost / gained each week based on my deficit and then subtract it from last weeks weight. I update my TDEE every 5 pounds lost).

I’ve never stuck to anything this long before.

My spreadsheet says I’m 180 pounds right now.

As of today I’m wearing a 35 inch waist in the same brand shorts I wore at my highest weight (when I started I had a 45 inch waist).

This is where my body dysmorphia kicks in. I don’t see any difference. I think I look bigger / thicker / wider than ever before.

I thought / assumed once friends and family started commenting on my weight loss and the fanfare started I’d feel better but I’m just not getting the jaw dropping reactions I thought I would. It’s been more of a whimper while I was expecting a bang).

I don’t know if weighing myself now will help or make things worse in terms of my BDD.

submitted by /u/Pjspowerfulpen
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