I’m a 22 year old female. I started at 185 in March, at 5’7. I was miserable, my mental illness was the worst it’s been in years, and I was binge eating for some sense of comfort but it was never enough. And disliking my body meant I would rarely make an effort to look good or dress well, and didn’t really try to take care of myself.
I’m used to crash diets. I have a history of an eating disorder. When I was going through puberty, restricting food gave me a control that I desperately needed through all the changes occurring in and outside my body.
I switched to veganism to recover from my eating disorder, but I still had very strict ideas about what I should and should not eat, which ultimately did not help me. I was a healthy weight and stayed that way, but my relationship with food was not healthy.
When I stopped being vegan, I went crazy with meat and ate so much that I gained all this weight back. I was not used to the nutrient dense food. I was also eating for comfort during the pandemic.
So then last year I went back to all these diet ideas. The 10 day detox diet, keto diet, even flirted with the idea of the carnivore diet. Don’t get me wrong, I think these can help people for SURE, and they are super fitting for someone who needs the rigid structure. But they’re not for me. I spent a year trying and failing various diets. I did keto for 2 months and then when I ate carbs on a road trip I went crazy with them again. I think that’s just how my brain works.
I do intermittent fasting, but I don’t beat myself up if I end my fast early to eat with family or friends, or if I just feel like I need to. If I eat a lot for a day, I just roll it into my weekly calories and it’s not a big deal.
I eat half a giant sandwich and one whole crumbl cookie as my meal for the day and I don’t feel deprived. This is how I know I can keep it up for life. If I remain aware that I can have all these tasty treats and stay on track with losing weight and feeling and looking better, why wouldn’t I? As long as I keep track of my calories, that’s it.
I just think being so black and white about dieting really messed up my head. I can eat a whole ass giant cookie without feeling bad about myself. It’s amazing.
Another part of this is realizing how fast weight loss should ACTUALLY happen. I had this idea that I should lose all the weight I want to lose as soon as possible so I can be skinnier. It wasn’t a conscious thought, really. It was leftover from my teenage years. But fighting that urge every time I step on the scale is a victory.
I weigh 167.8 today. I lost 3 pounds in the last 3 weeks. 17 pounds in 4 months. That’s a HUGE victory, and I should be proud of myself for sticking it out for the long haul. Even though I still have about 30 pounds to go, I should be so proud… I’m over 1/3 of the way there!
I look in the mirror and put on clothes and I feel happy and excited. I’m just glad that I have this built in confidence knowing that I am making an effort every day to better myself. I’m keeping my body healthy and not doing this out of self-hatred anymore, but self love.
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