Hello All,
This is my first time posting here on the /loseit page. I need help, like serious help and encouragement.
Let me tell you how I got here.
Background:
Before college:
I was never the "big girl" as far as weight until the end of middle school going into high school. I was however the "tall girl" I am 5 feet and 10 inches tall. My mother was over weight, she passed away in my first semester of college in 2010. My sister is overweight and she is currently on track to have weight loss surgery because she needs the assistance to help her. I want to say I was maybe 150 - 160 pounds in middle school. I know to some that is a lot but mind you I am very tall for a woman. In my second year of high school my mother first got sick, I think I went from 150 pounds to 200 pounds in that year (2008-09) and steadily gained 5 pounds a month. I was an active child when I was younger but out side of being in the Marching Band all I did was study for the SATs for college. I lost the weight in a very unhealthy manner for prom in 2010 (It just so happened that years prom date was on my Birthday, so going was my families gift to me). So senior year of high school I was about 160 (size 10) by the time May came around and graduation.
During Undergrad:
Ok so this is where I lost control of my eating and gave up. Like I mention earlier my mom passed in 2010. I started college away from home (2 hours away but still away lol), in August 2010. My mom came to visit me in October for her birthday (because I really missed her). November, Thanksgiving Day, was her funeral. So I stopped caring, I did everything I could to destroy myself. From Fall of 2010 to Spring of 2013; drink whatever, smoke whatever, eat whatever, do whatever. I (was/is/are) depressed. I was mentally strained from college, emotionally I was numb, I was a shell of a person who was barely existing. My fourth and final year of college I could no longer afford to live on campus and cover my tuition cost, from August 2013 to May 2014 I moved 5 times couch surfing until I could finish school. My focus here was more about a safe place to sleep and getting my BS degree finished than anything. I'm not sure how much I weighed here because I didn't even own a scale bu I was/am wearing a size 16.
During my Masters:
During this time I got in a better mental state. I started dating my college classmate. As a graduate student I spend most of my time in the laboratory and living on a very tight budget. So dating and what not I also got some "happy weight". Long nights in the laboratory and early mornings in class. Finishing my master was a my #1 priority so whatever was on hand was what I was eating. I finished my masters around 260 pounds
Currently, My PhD program:
Just like in my Masters program I have very long days of wok. I have to be in the laboratory 45 minutes before the sunrises then class all day then late nights taking care of the experimental animals. An hour drive each way to school/work. I have little time to live like a normal human being.
TL;DR
Got fat from depression and giving up on life. 5 feet 10 inches tall 260 pounds. I'm a graduate student. CW: 260 GW: 160
Welp! That was a longer background than I thought it would be. Ok, so Why do I want to get healthy and lose the fat? Because I can't live my life this way. I feel tires and heavy and I can't preform well because I am self consciences. I want muscles. The scale number is important, but if I weight 180 and have strength then I would be very excited about that. I do have a goal in mind; I want to do this in 12 months. I will be getting married in 2020. So I want to dress shop in a year from now and be a wonder woman with super arms when I start to try on dresses. But, honestly I want children I want to be healthy I want to raise a family I want to get old. I can't to do any of that at the weight I am.
Please help, Please be kind, I am new to this.
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