This is my first post! I am f, 5’8”, 195 pounds.
I won’t go into detail but I have pretty severe depression and something called adjustment disorder where I struggle a lot with change. I am medicated. But for the past year I’ve gotten to a point where no matter how hard I try, I have no motivation and almost, it seems, no physical ability to stop myself from eating a lot and just crappy foods. I also don’t work out anymore. I want to so bad, but I just have no mental energy to do anything. I sleep a lot and just struggle.
My problem is I live in a rural area and there are no counselors, therapists, or psychiatrists within 100 miles that are in network or even take new patients. That has been disappointing to say the least since I recently decided I was going to finally get help and then found all that out.
Right now I am just paying the bare minimum copays for just my primary care and he prescribes my medicine and gives me very limited counseling. Other than that, i feel completely out of control. I feel like I am a dead fish or just a big fat blob of blubber with no purpose or motivation or anything at all. I’ve gained 20 pounds this year and I was already overweight last year! I feel sick a lot and my stomach always hurts. I can never sleep and I can never wake up when I fall asleep. I have no motivation to do anything. I am depressed and sad that I can’t lose the weight, or even stop gaining it! I am tearing up even writing this because it is so real to me. Does anyone have any advice....?
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