For someone who has been dealing with different types of eating disorders for her whole life, I gotta admit, losing weight it’s always a battle and there comes a time where looking at the mirror it’s too much for me.
I don’t really wanna trigger anyone but my weight loss journey was something like this.
Between 2014-2015 Started at 224lbs and ended up at 126 lbs while being 5’1 it wasn’t a healthy weight loss journey and I hated myself every single day from biggest to smallest number. And I guess somewhere along the way my mind got fucked up and I never could see myself as someone healthy or thin.
Then I got on two relationships (not at once)but the last one which was between 2016-2017 left me wrecked, like emotionally and psychologically, and even in that relationship I gained almost 44 pounds. When I tried to start a good diet and exercise well, first of all he made it very clear to me that he didn’t believe I could lose weight, and like a month later he broke up with me when I got in a bad depressive episode. I started some medication and with the meds there came more and more food cravings and I packed more weight.
So now I’m here, at 187lbs trying to keep going. I feel like crap from time to time. I started going to the gym and training with a personal trainer like a month ago, and he is amazing, i love that he has been pushing me to work my ass off. I just can’t help to compare myself and it’s making me crazy. Also I dance, I’m an artist, and I’m happy after all the shit that I’ve been through, I’m able to go back to things that make me happy (ps. I’ve worked my ed and depression problems with my therapists) but also all the girls I dance with are thin and graceful and swan like and i cannot help but feel like i have so much weight on me and i look like shit.
I work my ass off at the gym at dance class and I do my menu, and the first two weeks I didn’t even lose weight, in fact I gained. I lost 4 cm (2 on my waist and 2 on my hips) but the numbers are the same.
I just need some motivation. I need to know I can do it the healthy way. I just want support. I see all of you, looking so good and pretty and healthy and it makes me so happy. And I don’t know what to do.
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