My mindset is changing due to counting calories and I feel compelled to share my story in the hopes that my experience will help someone else.
I started calorie counting on March 1 of this year. I’ve counted calories before, but always in combination with some other “rules”.
I’ve done Low-Carb, Extended Water Fasting, Juice Fasting (was hospitalized for this one due passing out at work) Intermittent Fasting (without calorie counting), Sub-500 Calorie Diet, Low-Fat, No Added Sugar, No Sugar At All (including fruit), Whole 30, The Master Cleanse (probably tried this 20+ times over the years), The Lean Cuisine Diet, The Flat Belly Diet, The Raw Food Diet, The Cabbage Soup Diet, The Blood Type Diet, The Survivor Diet, The Mediterranean Diet and many others over the past 13-ish years.
I’ve had short term success with most of these diets, but none of them have worked long term. I would always eventually give in to a craving and eat all the foods I was restricting. Once I inevitably fell off the wagon, I considered myself a failure and stopped trying. I’ve been cycling between periods of extreme restriction and extreme binging for all of my adult life and most of my teens. I do not know how to eat in moderation naturally.
I read a comment once that said “don’t do anything to lose the weight that you wouldn’t be willing to do for the rest of your life” and I found it incredibly insightful.
I don’t want to be the mom at the birthday party 10 years down the line that can’t have a slice of cake. I don’t want to say no to the stuffed mushrooms or sangria when I visit my parents. I don’t want to travel to France and not be able to eat a pain au chocolat. BUT I also want to be strong and fit and healthy. I want to feel comfortable in my skin. I want to love my body and treat it with respect. This is exactly what I have been learning to do since March 1.
I’m still eating potatoes, butter, movie theatre popcorn, chips, candy and baked goods because I enjoy all of those things. I incorporate these foods into my diet by eating them in moderation. They are not the bulk of what I am eating anymore, but I can still eat them. This is very important to me mentally because I don’t feel overly deprived. For the first time I feel like I can actually stick to this long term.
No longer do I feel like a failure for eating the “wrong foods”. I just log everything I eat and move on. Calorie counting feels sustainable. It feels like something I want to do forever. I can see myself in 5, 10, 20, and even 50 years doing this because it feels so good. I feel good when I eat a barbecued chicken breast with zucchini and mushrooms, but I also feel good when I eat chips and salsa at a Mexican restaurant.
I feel so much better physically since March 1. I have lost almost 20 pounds and I feel better in my clothes. I have so much more energy to be active and as a result I am sleeping so much better. More importantly, I feel so much better mentally! 2 months ago I wanted to kill myself. Earlier today I was reading my post history to see where I was at and it’s so far from where I am today. Am I suddenly 100% better? No. I still have rough days, but I do feel a significant improvement.
This brings me to last night. Before I went to bed I binged. I still haven’t identified why I did or what triggered me to do so, but I did. I went to the store and purchased and then ate a whole can of Jalapeño Pringles, a small bag of Smartfood Popcorn and some Swedish Berries bringing me to over double my daily calorie goal.
Before I fell asleep I was thinking that it was all over. I was a huge failure and I would have to starve myself for 2 days to make up for this binge. I also considered just continuing the binge and accepting that I would be fat forever. I was pre-planning if I should go to Taco Time first or Montana’s. This wasn’t new to me at all as the same thing has happened so many times before, but I went to bed absolutely defeated.
As a surprise to me, when I woke up this morning I didn’t feel defeated. I wanted to keep going! I’ve had 1 bad day out of 39 and so what? That doesn’t erase the 38 good days. That’s a measly 3% of the time that I’ve screwed up versus the 97% of the time that I’ve stuck to my goal. I could only wish to be so dedicated in every other area of my life!
I have never thought this way in regards to weight loss before. It was always all or nothing, but life isn’t all or nothing and I’m making baby steps. Not once today did I think that suicide was the solution to my failure last night. I don’t want to eat something greasy or heavy. I don’t want to lay in bed all day. In fact, when I’m done writing this post I’m going to go on a hike and I’m excited to go do so.
Calorie counting really works! I didn’t believe in myself, but the habits that I’ve made over the past 39 days have backed me up even when I screwed up. I never believed this could happen and I am so surprised by how I feel today.
Thank you for reading and best of luck to everyone on their weight loss!
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