This is my first post to r/loseit. This lurker is evolving.
For most of my life, my body tolerated whatever I ate and drank. I was extremely slim in high school, and never truly understood any of the frustrations of friends who were overweight. I'd wonder "what the big deal was about" and eat sour candy washed down with soda. I did struggle with my appearance in my own way, though. Severe acne left me with both emotional and physical scars I still wear today, in some capacity. But I was confident in my body. I didn't think a boy would find me unattractive because of my body - it would be my face, if anything.
Something changed, though, when I stepped on the scale four years later and saw a shocking number. 185 pounds. In a relatively short amount of time, I had put on 30 pounds. I feel like seeing that number on the scale unlocked some Matrix-like awareness of myself I didn't have before. I could now see the extra weight. I felt a bit lost for a while, having lost what I thought was my most valuable currency of self-worth. Pride approached that summer and I didn't go. I didn't feel happy. I didn't feel beautiful before, and now the idea seemed ridiculous.
I don't know when I found r/loseit, but remember two things distinctly:
- Learning weight loss was the result of a calorie deficit
- How incredibly supportive, motivating, and kind the community was
I downloaded MyFitnessPal and started slow. I wanted to go so slowly that nobody in my life would know I was making a change. Up until this point in my life, I had truly never made a goal and plan to follow through with said goal. Beforehand, I fell in the trap of thinking the number of days in a row you do something is somehow better than the percentage of time you do it. This made it so hard to recover from nights of overeating or failing to meet a daily goal. Challenging this insidious thought really made a undeniable difference in almost every part of my life.
It was tough to crack the solid foundation of distorted thinking I spent my entire life creating. I sought therapy and medication for Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, and Body Dysmorphic Disorder. I spent a lot of time unlearning automatic thought processes that only hindered me. I slowly began adding in exercise that didn't test my discipline too much. Simple walks, occasional body weight exercises. I found the more I did it, the more I liked doing it (as annoying as that is to hear - I was irritated by this idea at some point).
I was able to lose about 20 pounds in a year. I didn't change much of my life at any given point, because I stopped and asked myself where I wanted to be one year from now. I reverse engineered what I needed to do to get there. Honestly, I think this quieted the "getting to your goal FASTER IS BETTER!" part of my brain and allowed me to focus on consistency.
Now, I know that I started closer to my goal weight than most people on this sub. But I just wanted to give as much of a heartfelt thank you to everybody who posts pictures, gives compliments, and offers encouragement. I know that your words have not always been for me, but they definitely helped me. I truly hope I can motivate or inspire someone in life like you all have inspired me.
I'll be attending pride this year with a lighter heart (and body) - although I've recently started doing weight training to get that booty. I'm definitely nervous, but waiting for the correct time is sometimes anxiety preventing you from doing what you want. And if I've learned anything from the past year, the correct time to begin to try to love yourself is right now.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2x49std
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