Hello losers,
This is my first time posting on Reddit, or really any kind of forum. I have always just lurked around, but not much. I've decided that I wanted to post to keep myself accountable and hopefully gain some support.
I have been fat my entire life. My childhood is a blur, and I don't remember anything really. But I know I was always the bigger girl in everything. Dance, cheerleading (not sideline, clap your hands cheerleading, but practice every single day, conditioning, tumbling, and competing cheerleading), school. Everything. I wasn't bullied, I was actually very well rounded and had a lot of friends, did sports and what not, but I was always just a big girl. One of my most vivid memories was getting my sports physical for cheerleading the summer after 8th grade, about to go to highschool. I was 198 pounds (5'6) and I was mortified. Anyways, I graduated, adding many pounds, and went to college where the real damage was done.
I was binge drinking every single weekend, multiples times a week. I ate whatever I wanted, and hardly exercised. I hit around 245. The summer headed into my junior year of college, I went from about 245 pounds to 218 through a healthy diet and exercise. It''s worth noting I also had mono, and I was physically drained, working 7:30-5, going to the gym for an hour and a half a day. I also found myself becoming VERY restrictive with calories. I aimed for 1200, but a lot of times I was only eating 800-900. I felt GOOD losing weight though.
College started back, gained it all back. Then senior year hit, and I really spiraled. When I graduated college (May 2018), I hit 250 pounds. Throughout the remainder of 2018, living in the real world and navigating a real job, I finished the year at 256. I didn't start my weight loss journey until January 22nd, 2019 - starting weight 256.8.
I tracked my calories intensely, and lost 12 pounds in the first month, 13 more the next, and then about 6 more. In 2.5 months, I lost 31.2 pounds, bringing me to April, where I hovered at 225. I felt good, but then I ended up taking a break and I went up to about 236, which I think a lot was water weight.
I decided to get back into it towards the end of August. From August 26th, to today (9/10), I am at 224 pounds. I eat around 1200 calories a day, and live as active of a life as I can at a desk job. I live in a big city, so I walk a lot (about 15k steps a day, sometimes more, sometimes less). During my lunch break, I'll walk the entire hour, or exercise at the gym. I have been doing HIIT classes at a gym twice a week (similar to OTF), along with Soulcycle once a week. I almost completely cut out alcohol, minus a beer or two on the weekends.
I am very nervous, but also excited. I feel more motivated than ever, and have found myself in a completely different mindset than I was in the past. I am very afraid that I will take calorie counting out of control like I have done in the past. I measure everything, track everything, and am a little obsessed with the MFP "where you'll be in 5 weeks" feature. I'm also afraid of when I do lose weight, how to live life. I've never not been fat. I have no idea what it's like, and it's terrifying. I also think I may struggle with some depression and anxiety, but I’ve never really addressed that. Being 23 is weird.
Anyways, thanks for reading! Please leave any advice, tips, or encouragement you may have
Edit: sorry for the title, I thought that went to the line next to my name but clearly I have no idea what I’m doing :)
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