Context: I'm a 19 y/o F and this is my first attempt at losing weight. I lost ~70 lbs in ~6 months and have been maintaining around there for the past ~5 months. My all time goal is to get down to 150 lbs which is another ~80 lbs to lose.
I want to lose more weight, really I do, but I think I'm also terrified. I have always been a bigger kid. I still remember the day when I was in seventh grade and my muffin-top started hanging out of the bottom of my shirt and I was embarrassed and ashamed and my mom said I could just wear my jeans on my hips instead of my waist and then my muffin-top would be tucked in.
There was a pair of shorts that I have from that time when I was about 12 years old and I pulled them out a couple months ago and they fit. They were snug, but they fit. All I can think is how crazy that is. I couldn't have been older than 13 the last time I wore them. They are a size US14. All I can think is that I was probably around 190 or 200 lbs around that time as a kid. I was a couple inches shorter then, and I just can't help but think...
I've never been this weight before at this height. Every time I lose weight, I'm not going back to some place that I've been before, rather I'm a new version of myself, someone I have never been before. And that's terrifying. I want to lose weight, but I'm a little afraid of the feeling I had after losing weight so fast that I didn't recognize myself as me in the mirror. I love the change and the feeling so much lighter. Of being able to move more freely and easily than in my whole life, but it's terrifying and I don't know what to do.
I want to lose more, but lately every time I get on track it's like I sabotage myself because I'm not sure I'm ready to deal with the full time job of thinking about my food and weight again and the feelings of fear surrounding my sense of self that has previously always included being overweight possibly becoming an association I no longer have? I'm holding myself back over these things and I know it, but I don't quite know how to move past it.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2Q0CEhd
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