It's the first time I post here and English is not my first language so i'm sorry if my text isn't well written or too long ( i don't know if it's the right community to write this post but i feel it's the best place for me to do it, if not feel free to let me know ) Before i start i just wanted to tell people who want to lose weight not to think this will happen to you, i know a lot of people who have different expériences with weight loss so dont worry.
Everything started 2 years ago, i was around 210 pounds for 1m75 but it was never a problem for me, i could go to swimming pools without being ashamed of myself, i would wear everything i wanted even if it didn't fit me really well and so on....
I always was this weight and it never really was a problem for anybody( of course there were some people who would tell me i was fat but i didn't pay attention). One day my mom told me that i should maybe start losing weight, but i didn't really car so i just told her that i was okay with myself. At first i thaught she was just joking or something, but as the days went on she would be more harsh on me, telling me i looked like a whale , like a cow or even a pregnant woman, and she would even be ashamed to walk near me. My dad tried to talk to her at first bit ended up being on her side, telling me that the reason i didnt have a boyfriend was because of weight and i would never have a job because people are mean etc... it hurt so much that i couldnt believe what they were saying. I was so depressed i hated myself, i didnt go to school for a long time, i couldnt look a myself without thinking about the words from my parents.
After i think less than a year, the teacher heard about this story( long story short i told my friend, who ended up talking to a teacher at school who was like a therapist or something) and they sent me to some therapist. Honestly i thaught that everything would be fine and my life would be back like it was before, but after several visits the therapist told me that my parents would never change their mind and i needed to lose weight if i wanted to end this problem. I felt so broken after that but after a few weeks i decided to start losing weight.
At first it was great, i would eat pretty healthy meals and go to the gym twice a week. I loved that. I lost around 33 pounds in 6 months and i loved myself. Everyone would tell me i was smiling so much more, people would tell me i looked beautiful and so on.
But i dont know why, i started to hate myself again even if i was losing weight. It came out of nowhere. Everytime i looked a the mirror i would see me from the past. I started going to the gym everday, i started to eat less than before, less than i should, and i started to binge so badly, like i would eat EVERYTHING i found at home. I would feel so bad that i would go to the gym all weekend to lose all those calories, i nearly fainted multiple times because i would make too much effort.
I lost another 44 pounds, which means i nearly lost 80 pounds. I always thaught i would feel great and all but no. Today i cant look at myself without feeling miserable, i cant eat anything without looking at the calories, even if it's a tomato, i only wear black clothes because it makes you thinner they say, i cant undress myslef in front of anybody and i am afraid everytime someone asks me to go out to eat something.
I never told anybody because i feel like it's stupid and i am ashamed of it, and sorry again if it's not the right community to write in but i really needed to get all of this out so thanks to all people who have read it.
[link] [comments]
from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2HRu3GU
No comments:
Post a Comment