I honestly never thought I would regress in my weight loss. At my heaviest I weighed in at 236lbs and I absolutely hated it. However throughout the 10 months after starting college I was able to lose 50lbs and I was actually starting to be happy with my body. But over the last 2 months I regressed and gained back 17lbs as a result of depression, and subsequent treatment through medication.
I know that doesnt sound like a lot on paper, but the upward trends of these last 2 months has been killing me, I dread being back where I started, I dread hating my body again. So I forced myself to start counting my calories again today.
I had been in the habit of counting calories at the start of the summer but I ultimately stoped, for what I thought would be a temporary break as some friends came into town. However after they left my mood instantly (within 8 hours) went from really high back down to an awful low anyone with depression will be familiar with. My therapist and family doctor both decided on trying medication to help treatment. Thankfully the medication worked wonderfully and im doing much better now, not perfect, but so much better!
Unfortunately the medicine helped bolster my appetite and weight gain, a normal side effect according to my doctor. Ive been binge eating and eating a lot more garbage that I had been shying away from only months prior. It's honestly quite dreadful how quickly and easily I slipped. I knew i could rationalize it away as the doctor had said that It was just the medicine and that I could retry weight loss here in a few years when I was off of it. But no matter how normal it is doesnt matter to me, a year ago I set out to lose 70lbs damnit! Not 50 and certainly not 33, which is where I stand today.
Today was the first day I restarted my calorie counting, hopefully for good this time. Today is the day I want to begin continuing my journey. This time last year I moved into my dorm, started my freshman year, and began my weight loss journey. Today I want to resume it and finish it by the end of the school year. I truly hope my next post is to celebrate my weight goal, I really do.
P.S To anyone struggling with depression and weight loss, my most enormous sympathies, its a tough fight. But, absolutely do not avoid medication in fear of weight gain. I would rather gain back all 50lbs I lost than have let my depression continue to eat away at my life.
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