This round of weight loss started back in February after I'd visited some family. They sent a picture of me to my mother, who a few days later called me to tell me I looked like I'd gained a ton of weight and I looked awful. Which was absolutely true -- past 3 years I've been in medical school, eating terribly and spending most of the day staring at books and a computer. I'd definitely gained weight, she wasn't wrong. My mother's always been a very critical person. She does it to everyone, we're used to it, but it was enough shame to motivate me, at least. She was going to attend my graduation in 2020 and I resolved to have gotten back to a decent weight by then.
By July I was about 135 lbs. At 5'0" that was still overweight but I was feeling better, had dropped 4-5 pant sizes, skin was looking much brighter with regular exercise and better food, and I was fairly proud of myself despite still having 15-20 pounds to go til goal. I left for an away rotation in a city where I have other family, and my mother decided she was going to drive over and visit them (and me) before I headed back hundreds of miles away again. I was a bit terrified. I hadn't wanted to her to see me until I was a weight I was happy with, but it wasn't like I could tell her not to come. We hadn't seen each other in person in almost four years.
The day we met up I tried my best to look nice. I'd gotten some clothes that fit me well and was feeling pretty cute that day. Inner me was still scared she'd say something about me still being fat in front of my family. Inner me was also, pathetically, secretly hoping she'd notice that I was almost 40 lbs lighter than in the picture she'd seen. Maybe it's just growing up with a critical parent, but that praise would've meant the world to me tbh.
But...nothing. Through lunch, through the goodbye after, through a phone call a few days later...no mention at all. And I find I'm left feeling strangely shitty, even now a few weeks later. It's almost embarrassing realizing how much I just wanted to hear some small acknowledgement. I feel like maybe my pride in myself over what I've done so far isn't warranted. Maybe the 40 lbs means nothing and I still look as terrible as I did back in February.
Anyway, I'm still struggling with this (obviously). I'm not the kind of person who regularly hinges on compliments or someone's approval. It bugs the hell out of me that I feel like this over something this trivial, ugh. If anything, I've learned that if you're going to be the person to break the news to someone about their weight, try and also be the person that acknowledges a change when it's made. You have no idea how much your praise may mean, even if it feels small to you.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2A4T8tu
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