Hi, so foremost i would like to say that English is not my first language, but I will be trying.
Okay, so I was overweight for every part of my teenage years, I weighted about 70-72 kg and I'm 160 cm. I was kinda fine, I mean at age 10-12 my boobs were definitely bigger than most girls, my mom is also like this so im guessing hormones? Yeah, but that made me go from very skinny little girl to bigger girl. I was always insecure, I hated PE, I was comparing myself to my friends who are still as lean as they always were.
And so, as any other person trying to lose weight I was going back and forth on so many diets I can't even begin to count how many there were, trying to exercise was always a struggle, cause I tried but I always failed on my 2nd day already. I was so tired, out of form. But it's not like I layed around on the couch and ate and just ate, nah i was very energetic child and a teenager, meeting with friends, never avoiding PE. But I'm not gonna blame anything else other than my love for food and love for just not doing anything....much lol
As I said I tried going on diets, one time during around the summer I switched to soy products mostly, that DID made me lose weight, a bit and clear my skin but after 2 months, I was back in with too much food. Then again nothing nothing, and i guess i just stopped dieting
THE IMPORTANT PART
I started just changing my eating habits around when i was 19 years old?? but mostly around 21-22 years old, cutting of sugar, cutting of soft drinks, juices, even diary cause lactose intolerant i guess, chips, sweets. I didn't weight myself for a LONG TIME, then i met a boy, he loves every inch of me lol, then we went for ski trip and the ski trip guy asked for my weight and i said 65kg cause thats a safe number, BUT when i actually weighted myself I was 58kg!!!! I was very happy, I actually then started seeing myself differently, like yes most of my clothes are much bigger than I actually am!
So I then I started the journey that kinda now destroyed me.
Exercising finally! Like 5 times a week? Yes, it was finally happening, I was taking care of my body, started looking more on what I put in my mouth. I didn't count calories at all, I was just intuitive eating and it did work on me, I weighted less and less, 54kg at the end of the 2018!
Then this year at the first half of the year, I had an accident, head trauma, very badly, that led me to mostly living in my bed for quite of time. I looked bad, my face was purple around the eyes. I hated how I look. I became also very obsessed with how i eat, how much, started calorie counting, started controlling my portions for less and less. I joined twitter community and started reading more of ED community tweets. Everyone noticed, and it became more apparent that I became something I never wanted to be.
I'm not going to tell you how much I lost, cause it wasn't much in terms of weight. I became super depresive, super over thinking about food, from the time i woke up to the time i went to sleep, I even tried working out but I yet can't.
It became something that truly ruined me, something I am much stressed about. I tried stopping, I tried become more old me, but right now I can't. Im very happy about my success, but I gained something that I'm afraid isn't gonna leave me for a while.
Thank you for reading!
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