Can I just be angry about something here?

I didn’t want to lose a bunch of weight when I started. I have no stunning “before” photo to show that I’ve lost 30lbs and counting but mow that I’m in it, and I’m seeing effects, I’m angry.

Why, for the love of God WHY did it take a scary few days and a needle in my back in a hospital room where I had lost partial vision for me to even think about embarking on a healthier journey with my relationship with food?

Why had I let it come this damn far to begin with?!

In August of 2020, I was 185lbs and 5’1. That is a BMI of 35. 35, people!

And folks were getting angry at my neuro -ophthalmologist for telling me I needed to lose weight because “I carried it well” and “looked just fine”

And that bled over into how I interacted with him and we butted heads a few times over the issue so it made me apprehensive to seek his advice with my literal rare damn disease. That is so irresponsible on my part, and who knows how much further along I could be if I hadn’t pushed back against the weight loss at the start?

(Granted, I did feel like he was obsessive with it a bit until I put my foot down and said “buddy I’ve been losing lots of weight... maybe just once per appointment is plenty enough to ask” lol)

But all this is to say I’ve been really putting myself to work trying to shed the weight through CICO as I am exercise intolerant. And it has really made me more analytical of what I put into my body.

And it has also made me so frustrated at my past self for letting myself get this far. This year I’m dealing with health issue after health issue. And even though at 152lbs (a BMI of 28.7) I’m not obese anymore, I am still overweight. I had some scopes done yesterday. They found things, “usually found in patients over the age of 60 or in obese/overweight patients”

I’m fucking 27 years old, y’all 😒

I mean, I know it can’t ALL be blamed on the weight but as certain healthcare providers in my life have made sure to let me know, it can play a big factor...

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