Monday, April 5, 2021

My Birthday is in 12 days and I'm freaking out

I (30F) decided that once January 1st, 2021 hit, I would go back to dieting and exercising. Well, that hasn't happened. Last year during the first lockdown, I lost 34 lbs and went from 200 to 166. I've gained roughly 10 lbs back during the past year and can really feel it now, especially in my midsection and between my thighs.

The lowest weight I've weighed as an adult was 130-135 lbs when I was 20, following a 50+ weight loss. I would really like to get back to that weight now but find myself in a constant cycle of shame -> diet -> fear and/or feeling like I deserve a cheat day -> cheat day -> falling off the wagon -> shame.

My 31st Birthday is coming up in 12 days and I feel ashamed and disappointed in myself. I want to do a liquid detox starting tomorrow to try to lose at least 10 lbs of weight (hopefully most of it is water) before that date but I have no faith in myself. I'm afraid I'll start and after 4-5 days fall off the wagon again due to hunger, demotivation or the "treat yo'self" mentality.

Every year is like this for me. Every year I want to look my best and every year I fail. I wish I knew where to extract my motivation from, but I don't. My boyfriend weighs 137-140 lbs and it's hard for him to gain weight, which makes me feel even more insecure when we're out in public.

submitted by /u/coconut_teacakes
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/31OHTDK

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